Angela Belladonna at Hogwarts
by pavel.herinek
Summary: She's the character we all hate. Yes, another Mary Sue at Hogwarts - but this time, the universe may be stronger than she thought... Parody of Mary Sue fics.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I solemnly swear I am up to no claiming Harry Potter or other universes alluded to in this chapter as mine.

 **Chapter 1**

Hi, my name's Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna. I am the last member of Belladonna family, because my parents were killed when I was two years old. That means I am an orphan, which is very sad and everyone who meets me says how tough must my life have been. But I'm not complaining, someone has to be one or no one would be grateful for how lucky he is. Everyone here in the Supercute Pink Mary Sue Orphanage says I have my father's brain and his good heart, because I am friends with everyone here and I am very smart. I don't exactly know how they mean it because if my dad died he couldn't have time to give me his brain but they wouldn't lie to me, right? Right. Yeah, and they say I look like my mother, and I have to tell you exactly how I look because I love to talk about it.

I have a very beautiful face, which would make any boy fall in love with me but so far, I have been living only with other girls and the staff of the orphanage. They are kind to me but they are not parents. But that's okay, I don't complain, that's just my life. I have beautiful pink eyes and all the girls are jealous of them, because they all have normal color of eyes like violet, limpid tear blue or stracciatella. I have beautiful pink hair which always flows as if there was a wind. I have high cheekbones, pink cheeks, lovely chin and fantastic pink eyes which often twinkle but when I am enraged they're very frightening. (I love my eyes.) I wear a nice girly pink dress all the time, it's my favourite, I have it since my sixth birthday. Now it starts being a little tight, but it doesn't matter because it shows my amazing beauty. I am eleven, but everyone says I look younger, ten years and eleven months at most.

* * *

Even when I was very little, there was always magic around me. My "aunts" at the orphanage did not pay attention as they should, because every time I showed my amazing abilities they had to persuade some daughter of Poseidon to stop surfing while showering or some warrior princess of elves to stop playing with her little bow. But on the other hand I always impressed them with my ability to speak Italian and Japanese (my father was Italian and my mother Japanese, you see). I know that now that you know all about me, you probably love me, and I'm sorry but there's no way to undo it, that's just me. But you could've also fall for someone who doesn't deserve it, you know. Like I mean, it could've been someone with both parents who is just so ungrateful for his great luck but that's okay, I definitely don't mean to complain, someone has to live a miserable life as well.

Currently, I'm still cheerfully living my miserable and depressing life with my friends here at orphanage, but I know it won't last. Every now and then arrives something like an owl, raven, satyr, vampire or Legolas to tell one girl about her respective world and to bring her there to shine. I hope it happens soon, because it's horrible here without my parents. Not that I would complain, of course. They would like to hear it and pity me, but I hate pity so I don't mention it if I don't have to.

* * *

Right now, my best friend Harriet Fredda Joanna Pursey Edwys Taubie Peta Delaboneux enters the room. She is a year younger and she thinks I'm her hero because I have those amazing magic powers and those pink eyes. She's like the incorruptible pure pureness. I like her, but yeah, everyone is my friend here because I am so unbelievably friendly.

"OH MY GOD IT'S YOU ANGELA ORI GAMI FUKU JIMA MITSU BISHI JA PAN DAE WOO BELLADONNA WHAT ARE YOU DOING CAN I SAY SOMETHING TO YOU?" she whispered excitedly.

"Yeah, hello, Harriet Fredda Joanna Pursey Edwys Taubie Peta Delaboneux, I'm just here thinking about the sad thing that I don't have parents. I don't complain, of course, especially to you who do not have parents as well, not like those idiots who have and who are not grateful, but yeah, you can say something." I respond frowning.

"Oh, Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna, what I wanted to say is, how are you?" she asks shyly.

I wanna answer that I'm fine but I don't get to it (like all the time, everything is against me!) because there's a giant eagle owl that arrives here. WITH A LETTER FOR ME! OH MY GOD THAT'S SO COOL!

* * *

I open it with my perfect trembling fingers and it says:

"HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY  
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore  
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Ms. Belladonna,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You are so powerful that if you wish, you can enroll as a teacher. Or a unicorn. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Though I doubt you would need any of it because you are so great and powerful, but those are rules.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July. Or you can show yourself unannounced in the middle of Sorting like most Mary Sues do.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall, your biggest fan

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress."

I close the acceptance letter and for the first time in my life, my sad pink eyes which knew only tears twinkle. I am finally going to Hogwarts, to my home. It's time to shine and show the world how powerful I am.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I'm not the author of Harry Potter. Ob...viously.

 **Chapter 2**

Right now, I'm packing all necessary things to go to Hogwarts. I have never packed before, but I'm perfect in everything I do which must include packing as well. Besides, it's not that hard to find the necessary things. I pack my lipstick, all my pink dresses except my favorite one which I am wearing, some sexy underwear, pink high-heel shoes, my eye shadow, and glasses which will show how smart I am. Oh! And I've forgotten one important thing! Oh, there it is. I take paint in spray, and I'm spray-painting my backpack so that it's also pink! Just imagine, how would I look at Hogwarts all in pink with a black backpack! Ewww!

Well anyway, everything's finally packed so I go out of the door and I go to Hogwarts. Except I can't because someone caught my hand.

"And where exactly you think you are going, Miss?" says that someone.

* * *

I look up to his face and I know he's not from my orphanage. He's not smiling, the most his cruel mouth can do is clearly to smirk, his black hair is greasy and clearly not washed for a long time, his hooked nose is simply hideous and he's wearing black robes which are out of fashion for like a century. And he's a man, unlike my friends and "aunts" here.

"To Hogwarts," I snap at the stranger.

"Indeed?" The man lifts one eyebrow. "And where exactly is that place?"

Oh c- Oh no. Despite all the careful preparation, I have forgotten that I don't actually know where Hogwarts is. Would you even believe that? You don't have to answer, that was a rhetorical question. I know very well that you definitely wouldn't believe that, I'm not stupid.

When I fail to answer his question, he sneers. "I thought as much," he informs me. "For your information, this orphanage lies on a small island between words so that anyone of you could enter whichever world you claim you belong to. But by all means continue walking and fall into the void, I hardly have a greater wish than to be stripped of this terrible duty."

"Which duty?" I ask curiously. I don't like this man—he doesn't look beautiful like me and his words are sarcastic which is not kind at all—but I have to find out everything I can so I can use the knowledge later at Hogwarts to show other people how smart and brilliant I am. Even if the knowledge comes from this repulsive man.

When I asked this question, he narrowed his eyes and I have a feeling he didn't like it. I'm a very friendly person and I was friends with everyone in my orphanage, but I have this strange feeling I won't be friends with this man! He's probably jealous of my good looks! Yeah, that would be it.

"Which duty?" he growls. "Your kind has for some reason asked for me as the person who introduces them to the wizarding world that I have been assigned to your people permanently now."

I gasp. "Asked for you? I can't imagine why, if you're that rude to everyone. I'd rather ask for anyone but you."

His eyes flash angrily but he manages a crooked and menacing smile for the first time. "Then you are probably the single person in this madhouse who has at least some common sense. I strongly advise you to keep it and stay out of my way whenever you want. Enough of this chat, anyway, I want this done as soon as possible."

"Fine," I retort, "let's go, then."

* * *

"Wait a minute," he shakes his head. "You will go to bathroom first and you will wash off all this pink paint you have obviously fallen into. Change your clothes when you are there as well, corsets are out of fashion for at least three centuries anyway, and even at those times they were to be covered by bigger pieces of clothing."

"That's my favorite dress! And pink is my favorite color, do you have any problem with that?" I shout angrily. Would you believe that? Such insults! He clearly still has both parents beside him, the ungrateful swine, I can see it from the way he acts. But that's okay, it's not their fault that they lived and that their mothering made him the bitter man he is now. No one is without fault, anyway, except me.

"This means that this… thing was once your dress?" he raises both eyebrows. "Be that as it may, you are to put some proper clothes on. What we are going to visit is a famous place and no one would let you enter it in this. Especially not my self-respect."

I grit my teeth. What impertinence! I throw at him my best angry look, which would make anyone fear me, but it doesn't seem to affect him. He probably has suicidal tendencies anyway. I go up and change my clothes. Thankfully I find some pink things so I'm still all in pink, I'm not going to give that up whatever he says.

"There, you see! Are you happy now?" I shout at him when I finally return.

He looks at me, visibly disgusted. "Of course not. But then, I never expected to be happy in your presence. One more thing, you have to unpack your dreadfully packed luggage and pack it properly. And you will add your new belongings to your luggage so I would recommend a suitcase and not backpack."

I stop dead with shock. "What do you mean, dreadfully packed? I packed it myself!"

"I was afraid it is so," he jeers. "That is the reason why I used words 'dreadfully packed'. Did you even pack any shoes beside high-heels, you dunderhead?"

"No," I answer proudly.

"And lipstick?"

"Yes, of course," I answer once again.

"How predictable," he smirks. "Unfortunately, I know your kind enough to know what you pack when you are on your own. So, let me see it." With these words, he takes my backpack and turns it upside down. All my carefully prepared tools to shine at Hogwarts fall down and I have barely time to catch my lipstick and eye shadow before they fall and break. Now I'm really in a rage. "YOU MONSTER!" I shout at the man.

"I am terribly sorry," he smirks, "but since no normal eleven-year-old girl uses lipstick, I would definitely not expect any lipstick in your backpack, never at all."

"YOU'VE JUST ASKED ME AND I CONFIRMED I HAD IT!" I shake in anger.

"Since you obviously hate me, I dismissed your answer as false information meant to confuse me," he carelessly shrugs, and before I can hit him, he catches my hand. "If I were you, I would control your temperament and continue packing properly. We would not want to miss the trip to the wizarding world, do we?"

* * *

I narrow my eyes at him but finally I manage a curt nod. "That's better," he smirks and immediately starts to criticize the insides of my backpack. Well, the former insides. "On the other hand, this is pathetic. You will be at Hogwarts for nine months, dresses and this ridiculous underwear which is almost invisible will certainly not suffice. And no socks?"

"I look better barefooted." I snap at him.

"Is it so? Well unless you want to be the best-looking girl of the infirmary, you will pack yourself some socks. And I believe you would not celebrate such a title that much."

I hate to admit it but he's right. I would not like that title that much because I bet there would not be much people in the infirmary so it would not be that hard of an achievement. I grudgingly take a suitcase, pack all the things I previously put into the backpack there and add some socks. My strict advisor keeps arguing with me and after an hour, my luggage is considerably fuller and he finally seems to be content.

* * *

"Well, this would be enough. I hope against chance that you will be able to remember what we packed and successfully pack it alone next time. Otherwise you would be missing it throughout all school year and the Headmaster thinks for some reason that such a thing would be bad. Now take it and go with me." With these words, he takes my hand again and when I take my suitcase, he turns on the spot.

I think he probably tries to torture me, because I feel terribly after that. I can't properly breathe in, my perfect body feels like squashed into a garden hose, and worst of all, my hair looks all messed up. What a heresy! But then it finally ends and I find out we are suddenly in a small, narrow and uninhabited alley.

"What was that?" I hiss. "Did you try to kill me?"

His eyes dangerously flash. "No, I did not, although I may still succumb to this temptation. You can be assured that if I tried to kill you, I would be definitely successful. This was apparition, the fastest way to travel here to London. Follow me now."

I follow him until he comes to a dirty, filthy pub and he seems to want me to enter it. He surely can't be that naïve? "I'm not going there," I state firmly, "it is just filthy and I have my standards. Besides, I'm too girly to enter a pub and drink alcohol, anyway."

He rolls his eyes. "Do you really think I have collected you at your orphanage just to invite you for a drink, you idiot? This is an entrance into our world. Of course, you may still give me a treat and return to your orphanage forever. But choose swiftly, no one else sees the house and we should avoid being the center of attention, though that may be an impossible task for you."

I can't really believe what he says. Could it be so, even though it seems unlikely? Is it true what he says? Well I hope not because not being the center of attention would really be a torture.

* * *

Well anyway, I enter with him and it certainly doesn't make my mood better, because it's even worse inside. All is dirty, very small and the customers are simply hideous. Of course, they notice me at once because I am simply fabulous and they are in such a contrast that the whole pub seems to lighten up when I enter. My guide doesn't like it, though; he merely hisses: "What part of 'avoid being the center of attention' did you miss?" and pushes me to the back yard before I can personally greet all the people in the pub and assure them of my greatness. There, he shows to me which brick should be tapped with a wand and a great stone archway opens. He turns to me and says: "Miss… Which kind of ridiculous surname do you have, anyway?"

"It's Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna, and what is your name, by the way?" I say.

"It's Professor Snape. And I have asked only for your surname, not that your middle names do not show that I had a good reason once again," he sneers. "Very well, then—Miss Belladonna, welcome to Diagon all… Would you be so kind to listen to me when I am speaking, girl?"

I have stopped listening to Professor Snape when he started to jeer at my beautiful names. Professor Snape… What an ugly name. It sounds almost like Professor Shape… No, that's not correct, I love getting into shape! So it has to sound completely different than Shape. Anyway, I'm sure that there are infinite better ways how to spend a day than to listen to him, so I rather start running into this world. Into my world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Your son has forgotten to write disclaimers in his story, inadvertantly causing a great loss of profits for J. K. Rowling.  
Proposed punishment: Write "I am not the author of the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters appearing in this story (with one exception)." fifty times.

 **Chapter 3**

I look around the alley and I can't believe my eyes, I wish I had ten more eyes because this is all so beautiful. Now this is far better! The sun is shining on neat shops which look really homely and their beauty almost invites me in. Such a great change after gray buildings in London and the dirty pub! And they're selling such magical and interesting things that I wouldn't complain too much about buying there even if they weren't that beautiful – I'm not that shallow, after all. Potion ingredients, Quidditch supplies (whatever it is, but there are brooms and I like cleaning so I already like that), magical pets, ice cream! OH MY GOD THERE IS A SHOP WITH CLOTHES I TOTALLY HAVE TO GO THERE! I would immediately start to go there but something makes me stay on the spot. I look around me once again and I see that this something is Professor Snape who finally caught me and he looks very annoyed. So do I because I have to buy clothes, I have nothing to wear!

* * *

"Let me go!" I shout. "There's a clothes shop, I have to go there!"

"Wait a little, Miss Belladonna," he snaps at me. "Despite your flawless packing you have forgotten to pack money, and even if you packed it, it would be completely useless here because we wizards have our own currency. We need to go to Gringotts Bank first and withdraw money from your vault."

So we go to Gringotts bank, but luckily it isn't too far, it's at the same street which definitely has a name but Snape has forgotten to mention it. Typical. Well anyway, the people on the street are far more beautiful than people in the pub. Sadly, I cannot greet them all because there are too many of them, besides, Snape doesn't let me . But they are interesting even to look at. There are even some young ones who look like they may be studying at the same school. I can see quite a few boys in front of the Quidditch shop, and one of them has dreadlocks which confuses me. This school is supposed to be in UK, not in Jamaica, isn't it?

Well anyway, I wink at them because life would be dull without flirt but it only makes Snape scowl and motion for me to go faster. The boys do not even notice because they are looking at a broom. "Wow, Nimbus 2000! It looks splendid!" sighs one of them. Simpletons. I don't say I don't like brooms, they're great to clean, but my beauty is more important than that! Well, they're not the only boys here, anyway.

I try to wink at the next boy I meet but it was a bad idea because he seems to be a pansy. He blushes, looks at me apprehensively and tries to hide behind an old boring hag he is here with. What an idiot. How could he become such a coward when he clearly doesn't have both parents? That's not how the world works! He probably needs someone who would understand him and show him some compassion. I would be great for that, I am a very friendly person. Now he's only with that hag who clearly doesn't like me, I can see it in her eyes. Poor boy, I bet she is mistreating him.

* * *

Well anyway, by that time we arrive to the bank. The building is not less beautiful than the other shops. It is white, high and it has beautiful pillars. Clearly a Rennaissance building (do you see how wise I am?). But before we can enter, Snape stops and gestures for me to stop as well. "One more thing, Miss Belladonna. The bank is led by goblins, who probably do not match your idea of beauty. As obsessed with beauty as you are, you are not to mention to them how ugly are they and that they should try pink clothes. It is not a race known for its kindness and believe me, you do not want them to kill you. It would not make you more beautiful, either. Understood?"

I nod. Oh c- Oh no. Do I really have to deal with someone hideous? I hope he's exaggerating.

Well anyway, we enter the bank and it looks really great inside. It's really vast and there are many desks and there are the creature Snape called goblins. I knew it must be them because they don't look like humans at all. "Oh my, they're really hf-ff…" I squeak but the rest is muffled by Snape's hand which covers my mouth. Outrageous, it's almost as if he didn't trust me! But it's okay, the goblins would probably not hear anything anyway, because we're not going to one right now, they're all speaking with someone. I look around me and I notice that there are more people waiting for a goblin. Among them is a small blonde girl who smiles at me when she sees me looking around.

* * *

"Hi," she says, "Are you also new to Hogwarts? What's your name?"

"Oh!" I say enthusiastically. "Yes, I am also going to Hogwarts, and my name is Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna! What's your name?"

Her eyes widen when she hears my name. Finally someone from this world who knows a great name when they hear one!

"I'll call you Angie, that's shorter," she concludes and my hopes are violently crushed. "And my name is…"

But at that moment, one person finally bids his farewell to his goblin and Snape pushes me towards it. "You don't have to say it, I'm not that interested in a name of someone like you anyway," I politely inform the girl because if I went away and she tried to say her name it would be definitely very rude, and I would hate to be rude.

"But that was a rude thing to say," she scowls quietly when we're going away. Seriously, can't people learn some etiquette? Now I have another person who dislikes me and it's not my fault in the slightest!

* * *

But at that moment we're already standing in front of a goblin. "Good day, sir, what is your request?" it asks politely, but then it notices me and I can see a look of distaste on its stupid face. "What is the name of this young miss?"

"Oh!" I start saying. "It's An…"

"It's Angela Belladonna," Snape interrupts me rudely and for some reason looks angrily on me. What an outrage! Just like I said, some people would do good to learn etiquette. The goblin, as simple as it is, is at least polite, and hates Snape for such a faux-pas as well, as we can see from the annoyed look it shot at us. "Very well then. I will have someone escorted you to her vault." It nods its head imperiously and a younger goblin arrives. "Standard Mary Sue vault, Gorwag," it says to the younger one and the creature nods. I'm confused, because my name doesn't contain Mary nor Sue, and there is nothing standard about me! Stupid creature, I bet it has both of its stupid parents, stupid creature, stupid animal parents creatures. How could something that stupid run a bank? No, really, I bet it bankrupts soon. I should take all my money of this bank because it's not safe here! Yeah, definitely. Well anyway, I want to argue about this error but by then we're already at the vault. That means I was thinking angrily to myself for so long that I didn't notice the journey at all. Would you believe that? You don't have to answer it, it's a rhetorical question. Of course you wouldn't.

The goblin makes a look of distaste and puts on a single glove. Which again shows its stupidity, it forgot to put on the second glove. I open my mouth to inform it of this mistake but Snape automatically covers my mouth. By that time, the goblin took a beautiful pink and fluffy key and put it into a beautiful pink and fluffy door and it's so beautiful that I forgot I'm actually angry! The key and the door, of course. There's nothing beautiful about the goblin. Ewww!

Anyway, the door opens and reveals a big mountain of money! YEAH! I KNEW I WAS SPECIAL! I start collecting all my money but Snape stops me. "Miss Belladonna, this is enough. You do not need all this money for your first year at Hogwarts, return it." "Yeah but I fff-" I try to retort but once again he covers my mouth with his hand. I wonder if he's going to continue doing that throughout the whole trip. I'd definitely rather he wouldn't. Angrily, I return most of my money to the vault, but if the creatures are going to bankrupt the bank, then nothing will protect them from my wrath! On the path back I finally get to see how we got to the vault in the first place, and I decide I rather like the ride in the carts. That's definitely the ideal way to travel – OH MY GOD MY PERFECT HAIR IS DISHEVELED! That was terrible, can't they create a better way to travel? Something kinder to people's hair? At least it is finally behind me and I can leave this goblins' nest.

* * *

Once outside, I say, annoyed: "What stu-hfff!" Snape throws a weird look at me and I finally notice that this time he's not covering my mouth. He notices my look as well. "I only had to cover your mouth at the bank so that no goblin would hear you. I knew very well you would take the stupid path of not listening to me and insulting goblins. And since I had little intentions of being punished as well because I would be seen as the adult responsible for you, I had to resort to cover your mouth."

"You knew nothing of what I was going to say!" I erupt angrily.

"Really?" he lifts his eyebrows. "Let us see – the first time I had to cover your mouth was mere moments after you noticed goblins for the first time. You would call it ugly, exactly what I warned you not to do. And do not try to deny you would say this," he adds.

"Of course I wouldn't!" I shout at him. "I wasn't trying to say they were ugly, I was trying to say that they were hideous!"

"Oh," he nods, "and that is a much better wording which would automatically make you popular with the goblins. It would mean no difference, idiot girl, stop arguing with me."

"And in other cases I meant to say something completely different than you think!" I continue shouting.

"I said stop arguing with me, girl. This is my last warning." Snape says quietly and his eyes flash dangerously. At least he tries to make that impression; I know very well that he can't do anything to me.

"What, are you going to cover my mouth again? You can't hide the truth!" I exclaim victoriously and I turn around in order to start running from him so that I make sure he really can't cover my mouth and hide the truth. As I turn around, I notice that attention of all the people around the Gringotts bank is on us and now they're laughing, appreciating my flawless win in verbal match with Snape. Some even can't see me because there is a great commotion, so some people are pointing at me to show who is the victor.

* * *

My victory was evidently so profound that Snape is unusually quiet now and goes with me to the clothes shop without a word. The clothes shop is quite nice-looking, but what I care most are the clothes. To my great disappointment, I can see only some boooring black dresses. Would you believe that? They have no pink dresses, skirts, T-shirts, nothing! A fat woman, who doesn't look much beautiful, shows up, and says with a smile: "Hello, dear. First year at Hogwarts, are you? I'm sure we can find something for you…"

"Really?" I shout. "Do you have a pink dress? Pink is my favorite color!"

"Really, dear? That's surprising." She smiles at me apologetically. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but we only sell cloaks, you can buy muggle clothing outside the Diagon alley. Also, we have no pink cloak, the traditional color of cloak is black. But that wouldn't matter to you, I think."

"Are you joking? I hate black! Ewww!" I respond. The witch tries to be friendly but she has no fashion sense!

"Really, dear?" she looks at me, evidently surprised. Why do all the people assume that since they love a hideous color, other people would like it as well? This wizarding world is clearly idiotic. But finally, she smiles and points to a stool near to the wall:  
"Well, anyway, I will definitely find just the thing for you, dear. Why don't you get on the stool next to the young man over there?"

* * *

I quite doubt she will find something good, but I stand on the stool and look next to me. Great! There is a boy who seems to be the same age as me. He is quite tall, with red hair and freckles and he looks friendly on me. "Hi. What's your name?"

"Oh!" I start. "It's Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo… What are you laughing about?" Before I could even finish, he started to laugh.

"Now, don't move, dear, or it'll never be done," another woman, which is preparing his robe, tells him off, and he tries to stand still, even though he is still shaking with laughter.

"So it's right?" he asks. "I thought they were pulling my leg."

Inside, I start cheering. The word of my greatness has most likely already spread! "Someone told you about me?" I ask happily.

"Well, I'm not sure if it's about you, but the name is exactly like my brothers told me," he answers, with his mouth still twitching. "Every now and then, they say, there is student with a crazy long name just like you, who…"

"My name's NOT crazy!" I shout at him.

"Now, now, dear, calm down and stand still." says the fat woman.

"Sorry, I meant no offense, but it really sounded funny to me," 'apologizes' the boy. "Well, anyway, they told me that this girl is every time dressed in pink, has a funny eye and hair color, thinks everyone loves her and basically annoys the hell out of anyone she speaks with. Luckily, they can't be bothered with studying (no blaming them there) and they get chucked out from the first year every time. Are you really one of them?" he looks at me closely.

"Of course not!" I reassure him. "There's nothing funny about my eye and hair color, and I'm not annoying anyone. And everyone really likes me! Well, except of the person who brought me here, but he doesn't matter anyway."

"Really?" He asks, intrigued. "Who is it?"

"He said his name is Snape."

"Snape?" he repeats, horrified. Then he looks from the shop window, where Snape is waiting for me, looking at me with a smirk, and gulps. "As in, Professor Snape?"

"Yeah, he said to me that he was some kind of a professor, but I thought he only tried to make himself look important, there is not a chance anyone would make someone like that a professor. What, do you know him?" I ask the boy.

"My brothers told me all about him. He's the Potions professor at Hogwarts, and from what I've heard he can be pretty cruel. They said he's even skinned one of the boys alive and let the whole class watch it, but I think they were joking."

Skinned alive? And I was sure he can't be dangerous. But now I can see that all the evidence points to the truth.

"They're right!" I exclaim. "He's definitely a sadist! You should've seen how cruel he was to me, and I mean all his cutting words, not only when he chucked out my lipstick and eyeshade!"

"Lipstick? Eyeshade?" he looks at me disbelievingly. "No offence, but you really sound like one of these girls now. Aren't you normally dressed in pink?"

But at that exact moment, the fat woman says: "It's done, dear.", and I jump down from the stool and give her some money.

"Well, see you at Hogwarts," says the red-haired boy, even though he looks at me apprehensively now.

I go towards the exit, but then I stop. Wait! What did he say? "Aren't you normally dressed in pink?" But I was supposed to… I immediately rush to the nearest mirror and I nearly pass out from the shock.

* * *

The girl who looks at me from the mirror is not even remotely looking like me. She has the same face features, but the colors are completely different. Her hair is yellow, her eyes are blue, she has red cheeks and she is wrapped in a hideous black cloak.

"THE BASTARD!" I yell so hard that the women and the red-haired boy look at me, shocked. "I don't want to hear such a language in my shop, dear!" the fat woman says reproachingly. But I don't care and I rush out of the shop.

"YOU BASTARD!" I shout at smirking Snape when I leave the shop. "You wanted to punish me because of your petty grudge, so you changed my beautiful clothes to this hideous cloak!"

"Are you completely daft, Miss Belladonna?" Snape scowls. "You have just left the shop where you bought the cloak. Why would I change your clothes to a cloak moments before you were going to buy one anyway?"

"Oh," I concede. So, I got that hideous cloak at the shop! Terrible. I want to tear it down but Snape stops me and says: "Carefully. You will wear that throughout your whole year at Hogwarts. And tearing it will not help you because I am able to repair it with magic."

This is terrible! How can they order me to wear something when I don't like wearing it? That's the same thing as ordering me to be naked! All the teachers for Hogwarts should be arrested, the pervs!

Seething, I put the cloak down at least for now but it does not cover my beautiful and girly pink dress, it covers a black T-shirt and blue jeans! "And what about this? Did I buy this in the shop as well?" I shout sarcastically.

"You do not know what have you bought there?" he responds with a an ugly smile and I feel my blood boiling. "Well, I may be prohibited from harming you in any way while you are with me but I am not prohibited from improving your appearance. In fact, I am pretty sure the Headmaster would want me to help you in any way, and who am I not to do so?" he smirks.

I grit my teeth. He's really a bastard, too bad that I can't repair it yet, I need a wand. "Let's go buy a wand!" I demand.

"No," Snape shakes his head, "I know perfectly well what you are thinking. As soon as you get your wand, you would try to revert your appearance. Since the Headmaster would probably see me letting you kill yourself the moment you get your wand as an error and he might punish me by accepting more students like you, I will not let it happen. We will go get your wand as the last errand and before we enter the shop, I am going to cancel the spell. You have my word. And do not try to shout that my word means nothing, or I may rethink it." he stops me before I can even open my mouth. How did he know I was going to say that? Can he read minds?

Anyway, we then go to buy potion supplies. The tall shop-owner seems to recognize Snape and I am initially surprised before I recall that Snape is the Potions professor. That is further confirmed when he knows from heart what should I buy so this visit is quite swift. I also understand now why does Snape teach Potions – it must be refreshing to be with other slimy things like dead caterpillars or snake eyes for a change.

And so we venture through shops, my bag is slowly filling and the sun is slowly travelling through the sky. I wouldn't even know what should I buy, but it seems that Snape's taken my Hogwarts letter where it's written (I didn't even know that!). When we're passing the shop with animals, I state my intention to buy an owl (I would never buy something as common as cat or as hideous as a toad) and Snape reluctantly agrees. To my immense sadness, they don't have pink owls but I think that a nice small good-looking barn owl would suffice until they get some pink ones.

* * *

Then, all we still haven't bought are the books and the wand. I would gladly skip books, I'm already smart after all, but Snape for some reason doesn't let me. Stupid prick. He already objected to a gold cauldron until I relented and bought a ugly pewter one which was written in the letter from the dumb Headmaster and now this! Well, I hope it's at least done soon.

The shop is quite modern, but with narrow space between the bookshelves, which is good. I should be able to go in there saying I'm looking for the books and finally take a break from Snape. Which, naturally, I do. I confidently point to the nearest bookshelf and explain: "I'm going to find my books. I think I will start with this bookshelf because I believe there is one of the books I need."

"No," smirks Snape, "you are trying to escape me. Which, by chance, is my preferred course of action as well, see you in ten minutes."

How dare he? This time he may be correct, but this constant undermining of me has to stop! "No! I really expected to find my books there!" I pierce him with my best angry look, maybe it'll help!

"No," he smirks once more, "firstly, you did not know any items you had to buy."

"I did remember books, I like them!" I exclaim defiantly.

"That's why you tried to persuade me not to take any?"

I find myself unable to find a clever response so at least I stick out my tongue at him. That'll show him.

"And secondly, this bookshelf contains books on magical cooking which is not one of your subjects."

Inside, I'm seething. Damn magical cooking and damn this unbearable smartass! "Well, I think that someone is too smart for their own good! As they say, curiosity killed the bat!" I shout at him.

"Wrong again, they say curiosity killed the cat. What are you going to do when you will have to prove your knowledge at the end of the year, I have no idea."

"It's not exactly my fault if you are the wrong animal," I jab and immediately start going towards the nearest bookshelf. Then I remember it was the one with magical cooking, so I stop, trying to ignore smirking Snape and looking frantically around for any suitable bookshelf. Transfiguration, Quidditch books, Magical Creatures, Divination, Charms, Potions… Potions! The boy said to me that Snape's teaching Potions! And we bought Potions supplies! Yeah, that's it, I'm going to go there.

* * *

At the beginning I'm really trying to find my books, but I don't remember which ones were on my list so I stop soon. Then I see I'm not alone here. There is a brown-haired girl buried in a book and frantically reading it. Stupid nerd. But anyway, then I get the idea that she can be useful to me.

"Hello," I call her in a sweet voice, but she doesn't respond, she seems to be too enthralled by the book. "Hey, you, girl, whose name I don't care about!" I raise my voice. She still doesn't respond, so I grab her shoulder and shake it. At last she breaks out of the trance and looks furiously on me. "Why are you disturbing me?" she asks, obviously annoyed. "I'm sorry, but you wouldn't respond otherwise," I sweetly explain to her. She looks at me and blushes. Wow. I didn't know that my beauty worked on girls as well, but it's a little embarrassing.

To avoid a further embarrassment, I swiftly continue: "Actually, I have lost my list of books, and I was wondering whether you could tell me the name of the Potions book?" Immediately she gives me a disbelieving look. "What do you mean, have lost your list of books? Oh my goodness, how stupid can you get?" she looks down on me. "Also, you should have remembered it, it was just a few books and book names are so easy to remember, aren't they? Well, it's Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger, obviously. Now, if that is all, I will return to my book and don't interrupt me again, will you?" With these words, she goes to reading again, and it doesn't seem like I can get anything from her again, but that doesn't matter, because I already have what I wanted. I take the book out of the shelf and I bring it to the counter, where I find out that Snape has already bought all books for me. "How did you manage that?" I ask him very surprised.

"Well, I had your Hogwarts letter and I am a teacher, hence I was easily able to dictate all of your books to the shopkeeper who found all of them rather easily since many first years are buying them these days so he kept them close to himself." He looks at the book I was able to find. "The second volume of Arsenius Digger's book. Not as bad as I expected of you, but I am afraid this volume is for more advanced students, so return it. And you would do good to thank the voice which helped you on your way there." he informs me with a superior smile. Heh, like I would ever do that.

I don't even look at the girl on my way there, not that it seems that she minds. I defiantly put the book there and return to Snape, who finally lets me go for the wand.

The shop is small, old and doesn't look exactly beautiful, but I don't mind at the moment because if he wasn't lying, Snape is finally going to revert me to my old form! But to my horror, it doesn't seem that he is going to and he's already opening the door. I knew I shouldn't have believed him!

"You liar!" I shout furiously. "You told me you are going to give me my old looks back!" To my surprise, he does not evilly smirk, but he frowns and then sighs: "That is correct, Miss Belladonna. I had foolishly hoped you will not insist to look like a monster again, but it seems I have no such luck." With these words, he changes me to my usual self and quickly steers me to the shop as if he didn't want people to see my true form.

* * *

The wand shop is just like it seemed from outside. It is small, old and dusty with many shelves which are towering to the ceiling and there are many boxes on them. I hate the dustiness, but with those boxes it looks like a shop with shoes, and I love buying shoes! Therefore, I don't object to being in this shop. Instead, I go to the nearest shelf and try to look into the first box. I'm almost touching it when… "Ah. Curious, are we?"

I quickly turn around. An old man with many wrinkles is standing there. He has an eerily white hair, which I think is beautiful! But on the other hand he has eyes which look to me both dreamy and piercing, and he studies me so intensively that I'd say he were undressing me with his eyes if he wasn't looking on my face. Gross!

But after he looks at me for a moment, he sighs and turns to Snape. "Ah, yes, I thought I'd see you. It seems like yesterday when you bought your wand here. Twelve inches long, cypress wood, core of phoenix feather, isn't it?" Snape curtly nods. "A great wand indeed, especially for Potions… Now this one, on the other hand…" The shopkeeper looks at me again and sighs. "I know what exactly which wand to look for," he finally says and goes somewhere into the maze of the shelves.

I, of course, don't pay attention to his act, because it's clear to me that he only makes himself good, he probably asked Snape to remind him of his wand beforehand. Instead, I notice one wand out of its box, and I try to wave with it a little, just to see how it would feel when I will have a wand and will be able to do magic. It quite a nice, warm feeling, and the wand makes beautiful pink stars! Then I hear a loud thud and I turn around.

The shop owner looks at me, completely dumbfounded, and a beautiful pink box lies at his feet. Snape is also visibly surprised, as I can see from the fact that he even forgot to smirk. The shopkeeper goes to me as if he was sleepwalking, and he takes that wand from my hands.

"Thirteen and a half inches long, birch tree, dragon heartstring," he comments. Then he looks at me and smiles. OH MY GOD THAT SMILE IS CREEPY! "I definitely did not expect you to choose exactly this wand, or rather, I did not expect this wand to choose you, but now I think it's clear that you are destined to be greater than most of the people who ever bought my wand. Use it well." Would you believe it? I was mistaken! He's definitely as good as he shown himself, plus I definitely didn't inform him of my wand beforehand! And he's the first person who understood how great I am!

Well, after these words, Snape, who for some reason wouldn't stop giving nasty looks to the shopkeeper, pays some money to him and brings me out of the shop. Outside he looks at me bitterly and says: "Do not try to get your hopes high, Ollivander's words probably show the state of his mind rather than your greatness. I used to think he has some sense in his head, but that is clearly in the past." But I don't pay attention to him because he says that only because he is jealous of my greatness, that's clear.

* * *

We return to the pub and to my great disgust Snape tells me that I should stay there until my school year starts. He even refuses to listen to my objections that the pub is filthy, the landlord isn't beautiful and alcohol is ewww! He waves away all the problems revealing that it was already paid for my stay there and that he wouldn't return with me to my orphanage, would you believe it? You don't have to answer, it's a rhetorical question. I know very well you wouldn't.

Well, anyway, at these words I almost start crying. I won't see my friends until the next summer, that's so sad! I have the most rotten life someone ever had. But I definitely do not complain, someone has to have a bad life so that others can have a good one, ungrateful swines. But then I remember that while crying makes me look cute (at least most of my aunts would say that five years ago), it would mess with my make-up so I do not cry at the end.

Before he finally leaves (at least something good out of this ordeal!), Snape says: "Oh, yes, I would almost forget. To get on the train, you have to go through the wall between the ninth and tenth platform at Kings Cross. It may seem there is a solid wall, but do not be afraid and go right through it. I personally think you will have no problem with this part, though – your brain is so small that I suspect it will not notice the wall at all. Good day to you." And the vile bat leaves before I can retort.

Seething, I go to ugly, toothless barman so that I can ask him about my room. It turns out my room is directly under the roof, which is horrible, because by the time we arrive there my hair is disheveled again. THAT'S A TORTURE! At least the room is tidy and homely, it could be much worse, especially in this pub. With this thought, I lie on the bed and drift into my well-deserved sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I am not the author of the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters appearing in this story (with one exception).  
I am not the author of the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters appearing in this story (with one exception).  
I am not the author of the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters appearing in this story (with one exception).  
...

 **A.N.:** If someone actually reads this, I'm very sorry for the delay. I had exams and then Christmas where I honestly just wanted to relax, but at last it's here! Thank you to all those who actually commented, you helped me overcome my weak moments and finally write it. I hope you'll like it.

 **Chapter 4**

The next day I wake up in a very high spirit. Finally, I am going to go to Hogwarts! And I am going to meet all my future fans, including those I have already met. True, I am also going to meet Snape, but I'm brave and I can live through that. Also although he's a dangerous bastard, I'm too smart and powerful for him to harm, anyway.

Oh well, but first I'd have to get on the train. Snape told me how to get on the platform and on my luggage there was a ticket which told me that the train leaves at eleven o'clock. The only one who could put it there had to be Snape because no one else was with me. At this thought, I promptly drop the ticket and wash my hands in case the despicable villain tried to poison it. But then, I feel no problems so I simply hope he had been too scared of my power to do something like that.

Well anyway, first thing first, I take my ticket and my luggage full of magical items and march out to the Kings Cross station. When I'm going out of the pub, the ancient barkeeper tries to stop me, but I don't listen to him of course, I won't let any crazy old man stop me on my way to glory. The journey through London is very nice and I just can't resist some cool stores out there so when I'm getting at Kings Cross it's actually ten minutes to eleven. I could be here sooner if I ran but I am entering the school and the first impression can make wonders so I'm going to show them how perfect I am and my hair just has to be combed and beautiful. I swiftly get to the wall between the ninth and the tenth platform and I'm just preparing to run to it when I get a horrible thought. What if this was Snape's master plan? What if he just wants me to run into the wall, embarrass myself and kill myself in the process as well? That bastard, I think angrily. But he's not going to get me! I slowly get to the wall, carefully leaning against it so that no one notices me and I can push my hand against it. But as soon as I try it, my hand vanishes in the wall so that I can't suppress a small squeal of joy. It seems that the old bat probably didn't lie for once! Just to be sure, I push my hand in and out repeatedly and start giggling because my arm looks so funny that way until someone asks me from just behind my back: "Did your hand just vanish in the wall?"

* * *

I quickly turn around and freeze. There is a middle-aged man looking at me with a very frightened face. "Yes, that was magic. I'm an illusionist," I explain to him quickly. I don't want muggles to know about the entrance because then they would want to Hogwarts too and I would not shine that much. "Wow, you must be good then," responds the man, "I was genuinely thinking your hand has vanished."  
"And that's not all," I improvise to get on the platform, because there are only two minutes left, "I can even completely vanish!"  
"Really? Show me!" asks me the muggle.  
"Okay. Close your eyes and count to three." I smile at him.

As soon as he closes the eyes, I quickly jump into the platform wall so that he doesn't see me anymore. It's successful and I can see the platform nine and three quarters, so I congratulate myself on being so pretty damn intelligent. Then I hurry to the train (it should leave any moment after all) when I notice a very suspicious thing. One would assume that mere moments before the train leaves, there would be at least some parents who send their children away and wait for the train to start. I mean, not everyone has the same sad and miserable life as me, there will probably be some of those disgusting people who have both parents and do not care properly. Idiotic swines, they are, really. Well, anyway, what I mean is, at least one or two parents I'd expect, but there's no one here! That's very suspicious! Maybe they want to try a practical trick on me and they've all hidden in the train. Heh, like they could get me. Like I said, I'm very intelligent and I've seen through their trick at once. I quickly start going towards the train, so that I can find them and somehow make their prank backfire, when I notice an even more suspicious thing. Not only the people are missing, but the train is as well!

That's even cheekier! How dare they hide into the train and hide it too! For a moment, I feel something like uncertainty. Couldn't it be that the train has already left and I didn't manage to catch it? What will I do, then? No, I finally decide, that wouldn't be the truth. I'm so great, loved and important, they would surely wait for me with their train. Yeah, that's totally correct, I'm so smart. Oh well, since I just proved it was impossible for the train to depart, then the train must still be here, probably hidden by the jokesters! I love those practical jokes, but they shouldn't have tried one on me. Just wait, when I find them, I'll curse them to oblivion! But first I have to find them, which somehow proves difficult. Even though I'd think the train is large and would be easy to find, they've found a way to hide it so perfectly that I can't find it, even when I check the smallest and most complicated hiding places! I don't want to be rude, but it's very unkind from them! They're stalling the train and the arrival to Hogwarts for everyone just so that they can laugh at me! Such people shouldn't be even allowed to Hogwarts! Well, but even though it's their fault, I must find a way to counter it. The easiest way would be to find the train, but I don't know where it could be! Damn people with both parents, how could they hide it so well? It's not hidden on the rail tracks, it's not hidden behind a pillar, it's nowhere! At this moment, I'm overcome by emotion and I start crying. Damn idiots! It's their fault that I've just destroyed my makeup! In a fit of rage, I take my ticket and throw it away, still bawling and looking at it through tears. Poor me! I could've taken the train to Hogwarts and live my life there, but those goddamn idiots hid the train and deprived us all of the chance. They deprived ME of the chance! But then, I look again at the ticket and suddenly I see something so surprising that I suddenly stop crying. Yes, now I see more clearly – the train leaves on 1st September! That doesn't make sense to me, because why would they allow us to lose one day of learning? I'm not going to complain about that though, and at least that explains where the train and the people are. I've come here a day too early, would you believe it? You don't have to answer, it's a rhetorical question. I know very well you wouldn't.

* * *

I immediately jump out of the platform nine and three quarters, because there is no business for me there, and to my great happiness, I find out that the man who's already seen my "magic trick" is already away. I'm great with people, but I'd probably be unable to make him not know the entrance to Hogwarts express if he saw me coming out of it. I try to get back to the pub as quickly as possible and forget this instance at once. I hope no one will ever know the fact I was going to the platform one day too early. Finally, I'm back at the pub, where I'm stopped by the ugly landlord at once.

"Where have you been, if I may ask you, Miss?" he asks politely.  
"You may not," I respond with the same politeness he used to me because I like politeness and I admire it even in people I don't like. But then the truth is, there aren't many people I don't like, just Snape. And no one likes Snape, as I could see from the fact that the boy in the cloak shop hated him as well. And all people (besides Snape) like me as well. And Snape hates everyone except the stupid Headmaster who's most likely the same type of an evil person as Snape. The sad truth is, people like Snape are lost for the world and they can't feel anything positive for anyone except themselves. They're so evilly evil that you can bet they're with the evilest person there is. Not that anyone would doubt their allegiance. Even my perfect and lovable personality is lost on that hideous person!

Well anyway, at this moment I notice that the landlord is actually speaking again.  
"…your pardon, Miss, but the Professor with whom you arrived paid me to make sure you won't go to London alone. You should go to your room and sleep, Miss, tomorrow will be an important day for you. My son will lead you to the Kings Cross station."  
I'm seething. Does that meddling idiot think I can't find my way to the Kings Cross? Just another proof of how shortsighted he is. "I don't need a chaperone, I have just been to the platform nine and three quarters and I've found it without a problem!"  
The old man looks up in surprise. "You have just been to the platform nine and three quarters, Miss? What were you doing there, if I may ask? I thought the train leaves tomorrow?"

I'm thunderstruck. This can't be the truth! I was doing such a good job of hiding the fact so far and now this! Such a small mention and he caught it! This is like a nightmare!  
"Yeah, well, umm, it's not like, in fact, I mean, they… called me to repair it, yeah, they called me to repair it." I manage to respond after a short while.  
Phew, that was close. Can you imagine what would happen if I didn't think of a believable excuse soon enough?  
"Of course, Miss, this is definitely a believable explanation, what was I thinking of?" says the hideous landlord.  
"I don't know," I respond politely so that he wouldn't feel so bad. Even though he's ugly at least he's a human unlike Snape or those goblins and that means he may have feelings.  
"It's always a blessing to meet a really polite girl, they say," the man smiles. "Do you plan to go to your room again? I daresay you may need rest before tomorrow."  
"Yes, I think I will. Thank you. What's your name, anyway?" I smile at him. I can clearly see the man is surprised I asked him that. At least he knows his place and is aware of the fact that he's very lucky if I take some interest in him. I hate those snobby idiots who think that everyone should like him just because they think so! They're unbearable! And they definitely have both parents as well!  
"My name is Tom, Miss," he says. As if I didn't expect that. That is exactly the kind of name which shrieks out: "This person is not good-looking, but he doesn't have to shoot himself because he at least has some good qualities." I hope I will never be called Tom.

Well anyway, I really retire to my room because it would be easier to protect my secret that way than it would be if I went to the street and started talking with people. I could see on the landlord's example that people here are very quick to find out my secrets from what I say.

* * *

The next day I wake up very content. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, but I don't care about that, I'm happy because I will finally go to Hogwarts. True, I planned to do that two days ago, but the important thing is that I will get there. Besides, empty Hogwarts would be so booooring! How would I learn magic if no one was there to teach me? How would I find friends if I'm alone? Most importantly, how can I impress people with my perfect looks and clothing with nobody around? No, I have to arrive there with all other students.

I go down to the pub and I order a breakfast. My breakfast takes longer than usually because all the time I'm looking around to see the bartender's son. I really hope he won't be looking like him, but I don't think my chance is high. Still, at least he may be as polite as his father, but oh god, how ugly his father is! Oh no. No, no, no! I've just seen someone with the same old, wrinkled face; that will be his son! I really hope he's at least polite, but now he saw me eyeing him and frowned. That's bad. I change my pace at once and try to eat my food as fast as I can. I've just ended and I'm preparing to sneak to my room unseen when someone says apprehensively from behind me: "Umm, are you the girl I'm supposed to escort to Kings Cross?"

I immediately turn around and I'm very relieved. The speaker is a blond-haired man in his forties with a soft voice. He's not that beautiful, mind you, but he's definitely far less ugly than I thought.  
"Yes, that would be me," I nod happily. "Unless you're not old Toby's son."  
"It's not you, then," he frowns at me, "my father is called Tom and he's the bartender here."  
"Oh, right," I nod again, trying to quickly think of an explanation. "I… I just habe a dausea add I cad't speak properly. I beadt Tobby, of course."  
I congratulate myself for such a perfect explanation, but then I look on his face. Oh, c- Oh no. He doesn't seem to be convinced. "You can stop faking your 'dausea', girl. No one suddenly gets nausea mid-sentence. Plus, your first 'b' was unnecessary, nausea doesn't affect your 'v'."  
"My nausea does!" I retort quickly.  
"Hooray, you seem cured already," says the idiot ironically, "well, we both know you're not going to admit it and I'm not going to buy it. Let's get going before I say something my father may disapprove of."

* * *

I angrily storm off for my suitcase. How dare he? He was speaking with me as if I were some stupid child. I'm a very smart young woman, surely he could see that! I take my luggage and I finally decisively return down, planning to tell him it all I have in my mind but I hear familiar voices so I quickly hide behind the door.

"I don't care in the slightest, dad, she's so disrespectful! She didn't even care to remember your name!"  
I notice that it's the bartender's son who is speaking and as much as I am surprised and it hurts me, I have to admit he's entirely correct. It's really disrespectful not to remember the name of someone important; just like Snape always refuses to address me with my whole name. But I won't say how rude that is from him because everyone knows that Snape is a terrible person and noting it again might be slightly repetitive. Well, anyway, they're still speaking.  
"Well, she's not MY customer! I can say whatever the hell I want!"  
Typical, I think. One of his father's customers is bothering him because she doesn't know better than to be terribly rude. I'd almost pity him if he didn't deserve it and much more. I bet that old Todd's wife still lives and pampers the idiot despite him being in his forties. He's such a bad man. Not as bad as Snape, he didn't try to break my lipstick yet, but then you can't really match Snape's cruelty and evilness.  
"Oh? I'll try that, then, thanks, dad. But don't be mistaken, if she continues to disrespect you during the journey to the Kings Cross…"  
WAIT! Was he talking about me? How dare he?! That's such an evil thing! He's badmouthing me when I'm not present, that's entirely cowardly and vile act!  
I angrily rush into the room and they immediately stop talking. But I have heard enough.

"Hey! Do you have any problem with me? If yes, tell it to me!" I shout at them so loud that most of the customers start looking in our direction.  
"Definitely not, Miss, you're one of my quieter customers… usually. Besides, being around you is always good for a laugh." the barman kindly responds. I beam at him. At least someone who has manners, unlike his son. "Thank you, but I meant mainly your son, anyway. How can you say I'm disrespectful when YOU don't have enough gall to say it directly to me?!" I attack with all my wisdom.  
My escort frowns. "Given that you had to listen at the door to even catch this word… is this a trick question?"  
I try to comprehend whether his response was flattering or not, but the landlord quickly intercepts and exclaims: "Goodness, we've been speaking for so long? It's high time you two left unless you want to chase the train at the last moment!"

* * *

Isn't it amazing how ugly people can sometimes be not stupid? I mean, the barman clearly isn't as intelligent as I am, and he's simply hideous, but I can't deny he has some intelligence. His remark's very correct, so we leave the pub and go to Kings Cross. We go around the same shops I visited yesterday, but my escort doesn't let me. "Didn't you listen to my father? We have to be at Kings Cross very soon, which means we can't lose time at shops."  
"Old Ted is more polite than you, but he can't know everything about when the train leaves. I bet he used to travel to school by a dinosaur, anyway," I retort. "I'm sure we have enough time."  
"Half past ten. We don't have to stress ourselves but we can't waste time, either. And my father's name is Tom. Ted isn't even close. And he's not that old, but I know that people of your age tend to think of anyone older than twenty as 'old'."  
Poor idiot, I think. How you would I have to be to think so? Four? I'm not going to tell him of this mistake, though, it will be probably kinder to let him stay in his ignorance and not to know of it. Such a knowledge could make him pretty miserable.

"That was an honest mistake," I say kindly, "I can't be expected to remember all names of people like him."  
"Oh?" he looks at me angrily, "why not?"  
"He's a very different class of person than me. I can't be bothered, I'm super intelligent and I still wouldn't be able to remember all names of people on the Earth."  
He's looking even more angrily, but then he probably notices that I'm correct and he smiles at me with great restraint: "I have to agree, you seem to be a very different class of person than my father."  
"You admit it, then?!" I smile happily at him. There may be still chance for this person! "That means you're not as stupid as I thought!"  
"Well, you certainly aren't as stupid as I thought at first, that much I can say. Shall we finally go, then? I mean, this conversation is an unforgettable experience, but we still don't have much time left."

With a sad sigh, I get going again. At least he's beginning to see the error in his ways. It's always a good thing when someone achieves redemption. Still, I have no intention to speak with him much, which means the rest of our journey is as quiet as it was before.  
Finally, we're in front of Kings Cross which means his job is done. I extend my hand to him and say: "Goodbye," because that is the proper way and I'm polite even to people I don't like if they seek redemption because that means they're not the absolute scum after all. Yet another proof of how kind I am.  
He smiles, takes my hand and says: "Farewell!" I really appreciate how he's trying, but when I turn around to see the Muggle world for the last time (even though I'm destined to be a witch, Muggles have far better clothes so I'm a little sad), I notice him cleaning his hand on his shirt. I sigh. Poor boy, he has a really long way to become a good person. But hopefully, he'll be good.

* * *

Kings Cross is fuller than yesterday, but still, I can make it. At least I am highly intelligent and I'll have no problem getting to the platform. I understand that not everyone is so lucky, though, when I see a small black-haired boy with glasses obviously planning to foolishly ask a guard how to get there. Is he an idiot? Well, he definitely is. Even Snape, who is the villainest villain, had to tell me how to get on the platform. There is no way he'd get an eviler person who would not tell him, so he has to be just an idiot who just decided "Oh, since that guy is telling me something important, it would be the best time not to listen." Such an idiot, I bet he has both parents. Well, anyway, I continue to the platform, but then I see a family with many trolleys and even one owl like me which tells me they might be magical. Especially when I see that I know one of the already – it's the boy from the cloak shop. The shop was terrible, but the boy wasn't that bad. Sure, he has freckles and a big nose and generally he's not beautiful, but it seems that most of my future classmates are not beautiful. That's probably a kind of torture I have to overcome to become even stronger than now. IT'S SO UNFAIR! IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF CURSE! Well anyway, I should talk with them. It's always good to make friends. I speed up so I catch up with them and I instantly go to the boy I already spoke with and I squeal: "Hi! Guess who it is!"

He looks up, gulps and looks silently to two of his older brothers, who have both the same horrified look on their faces.  
"I… I guess it's Angela… Mara Dona… how were those random Chinese words again?" he gives me an apologizing look. He must be joking!  
"What do you mean, random Chinese words? My name is Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna, that can't be that hard to remember! And these are Japanese!" I shout at him.  
He and his family are simply staring at me. Finally, one of his two identical brothers manages to breathe out: "It's that bad?"  
"Yes! Both my parents are dead! That's very bad and my life is sad and miserable! I'm living in an orphanage and my life is a living hell! Still, I am not complaining, because someone has to live the miserable life and at least everyone loves me because I am so kind and smart. Do you see how saint I am?"  
"Oh, you poor girl!" breaks the woman who seems to be their mother into crying and hugs me. "That must be terrible!"  
While she's hugging me, I can see that all the kids are looking at me, completely horrified. I knew my heartbreaking story would move them!  
"Oh," sighs the boy I met before, "and I thought I had it bad before." This earns him quite a few pitiful looks and a reproachful one from the woman. I totally understand them, how could he think he had it worse than me? That's really stupid.  
"Yeah," says one of the identical ones, frowning, "we can't even bear it to mock you…"  
"…if she thinks you're her friend," the second one ends the sentence, with a horrified look.  
Oh no. They are clearly so moved that they're going to think of my terrible childhood anytime I'm mentioned. They simply need to process that, I'll do better to go. There's not that much time anyway.

So, I wave at them and say cheerfully: "Bye! See you!" They're so horrified and shocked by my sad story that they don't even respond to me. Only when I'm almost at the wall between the platforms, I can hear the woman saying: "Don't you dare being hard on her, boys. It must have been hard for her, not having parents. Even living in an orphanage – she is a witch and the orphanage would be packed with Muggles, of course. That's not bad, but I don't think they would understand the magic around her. No wonder she's a little…" but by that time I'm moving to the platform nine and three quarters so that they wouldn't notice me and think I'm spying on them.

* * *

I made it without a problem this time and I looked up in awe. Wow! It certainly looks different than yesterday. It is full of people, owl hooting and steam from the train which is there and waits for us to go aboard. No one's hidden it! And wow, the whole scene is just so beautiful! I think I have fallen in love with the wizarding world! Well, anyway, I stand here admiring it and suddenly something hits me! I'm standing up and taking all my things off the ground. When I look up, I see the oldest boy from the red-haired family doing the same.

"How dare you hit me!" I shout at him.  
"Excuse me, girl, but I believe it was you who continued standing in front of the entrance like a fool!" he retorts angrily.  
"Oh well, you didn't give me any warning! Next time you run through it like a madman, warn people first!" I shout angrily and move out before I'm hit by another red-headed idiot.

I go to the train because there's nothing else I could do outside and at least I can look at the beautiful place from the train window without worrying when I'm going to be hit again. It is really as great as I thought before! I could look at that all day long! What I'm interested in especially are those who seem like my future classmates. I can already see some of them whom I already know. There are many people around the boy with dreadlocks I saw before – clearly, they're smoking weed or dancing reggae or watching Cool Runnings or doing something else which is Jamaican. I also notice that idiot boy with glasses or the girl from the bank (how was it called again?). I would look there even longer but then I feel that someone grabbed my shoulder and shook it. I look up and would you believe it? It's the girl from the bookshop! By the way, you don't have to answer it. That was a rhetorical question. I know very well you wouldn't.

* * *

"Why are you disturbing me?" I ask her. Really, is there anyone besides me with proper manners? And besides old Ned from the filthy pub. Did she really think she can grab my shoulder and not make me angry? I have feelings, I am not like those ugly goblins!  
"I'm sorry, but you wouldn't respond otherwise," she smiles at me angrily. I look at her and blush perfectly – was I really that lost in the beautiful picture? Also, I love my blush. With this blush, I look just like a paragon of beauty, cuteness and innocence, and everyone who sees me blushing falls in love with me. When I think of that, I stop blushing at once – I'm really not into girls, especially not into stupid nerds.

Oh wait, she's still speaking. "Actually, this is my seat, you can see my suitcase up there, and I was wondering whether you could just move away or not?" she says with a nod up, where is her suitcase indeed. Such impertinence! How can someone be so rude? Well, but anyway, I decide to move away because after all I am very kind and friendly and I wouldn't like to take someone else's place. I take my things and move them to the opposite seat. "I didn't mean… Fine, then!" says the girl with a huff. Wow. How idiotic can a person be? She told me to move away, I did and she still isn't happy. She should find out what she wants. Well, anyway, I don't want to speak with the girl at all, so I just lie down on the seats so that I feel comfortable and I want to look at the platform again when the girl says, obviously disgusted: "Don't do that, these seats are not here only for you. Did your mum and dad not teach you manners at home? Besides, there's already a boy who sits on the seat next to you.""Yes? And tell me, why is he not here, then? Why were you not here if that was your seat?" I retort victoriously. "Because we went to say goodbye to our parents, naturally," she says and throws a disbelieving look on me. I want to say something about how rude she is, but I don't get to it because a small squeal interrupts us. A boy stands in the door of our compartment and I notice it's the pansy boy from the wizarding street. He looks at me with absolute fright. "Hi! I remember you from the wizarding street! Remember me? You were hiding behind that old hag!" I say kindly because I'm so unbelievably friendly and I would actually deserve a medal but do you think anyone gives it to me? No. The life's so unfair!

Well anyway, it's weird, but my kind words don't calm down the boy. His eyes widen, he shakily nods a little and eyeing me suspiciously, he quickly takes all his things and puts them on the seat near the door, as far away from me as possible. What a pansy.

Well anyway, I don't have any reason to speak to them anymore, so I look from the window again. But the platform loss its appeal a little – it's less crowded now because many children are in the train already, and that means there is less hooting around as well. Not everyone is on the train already, though. I notice that the red-haired family is still on the platform, speaking. Maybe they're speaking about me! I open the window slightly so that I can hear what they say. At the moment, one of the twins is speaking to their mother:  
"Know who he is?"  
"Who?"  
"Harry Potter!"

I almost stopped listening at once because they obviously didn't talk to me, but I'm very glad I didn't do it. In addition to other things I'm perfect in, I have a great knowledge of wizarding families, because I'm after all from such a family, even though it was Italian-Japanese. I know that Harry Potter is the last member of House Potter, and he would be a good person to date. Would you imagine how would I shine beside him? Yeah, I immediately decide I have to at least befriend him now, even though some flirt would definitely not hurt. Well, but if I want that, I have to see him getting on the train and then move to his compartment. I stopped listening to the red-haired family anyway, because the little girl started whining uncontrollably like young children normally do, and I hate it. Seriously, don't those little children know they have parents? They should be happy and not cry all the time. It's really terrible how selfish they are, not that I'd complain. I hate people who complain all the time, can you believe them? If you complain, you're basically saying "I don't like something and I'm too selfish to understand that others may like it", so this is absolutely despicable and I would never complain unless I have no choice.

Well anyway, since I have no more business looking out, I decide the best course would be going near the door so that I can actually see him when he goes into the train. The only problem is, that pansy boy is sitting there already. I take my things and move to him. I notice he's eyeing me very suspiciously. "Change seats, please, boy. I think that I should do something nice and you didn't have a chance to look out from the window much yet. And I think everyone deserves a chance to do so because I like it sooo much! You're pretty lucky that I am so kind." I smile at him.  
He frowns and tries to say with his shaking voice. "B-but I didn't…" his voice fails.  
"What do you mean?" I frown as well, asking him in a friendly tone.  
He pales even more and shakily says: "N-nothing!" He quickly takes all his things, trying not to look at me, and then he moves to my original seat and looks out of the window without meeting my eye. I was right, he's definitely a pansy.

The girl watches this with pursed lips and then blurts out: "What was scaring him good for? Look at him! He's as pale as a sheet, aren't you?!" she points angrily on him. Then she looks at him and tries to ask kindly: "What's your name, anyway?"  
The boy, though, is even paler now, and although he tries to open his mouth, he isn't capable of speaking at the moment. Ha! I knew it's not me, he's just too much of a pansy to speak to anyone!

"It's not my fault that he can't swallow the reality of pretty girl asking him kindly to do something!" I explain to the girl. Hopefully, she'll see the truth. "Besides, look at him now that you spoke as well. He's even more scared, it's not about me, he's simply a…" I shut up and don't end the sentence. Someone who is less kind or even less smart than me might continue, but with my unbeaten intellect, I quickly notice that if I told them both he's a pansy, he'll probably not take it well. Yes, it'll be far better not to say it out loud and let him stay in sweet ignorance.

Sadly, he must have noticed something because while I was thinking to myself, the compartment was filled with an embarrassing silence. At least it seems the girl noticed the truth because she's blushing again – clearly because of her stupidity. The boy now looks as if he planned to become a seat himself and escape attention forever. This all only suits me because I don't have to focus on my interaction with them and I can watch the corridor. Sadly, it doesn't seem that luck is on my side, which is heartbreaking and still it's very familiar to me. I never have luck! Seriously, have you ever meet someone who has less luck than me? Yes, I thought you haven't. I had to be brought into this magical world by Snape, for God's sake! Can you imagine it? Such a torture! He would always hit my perfect brains or appearance with a sneering remark and that is very cruel! And I had to undergo it only so that I could sleep in a filthy magical pub with magicians who were not beautiful at all and now I am going to a magical school where one of my teachers will be Snape himself and the Headmaster orders us what to wear and I don't have parents! Poor me!

And do you think luck is on my side now? No! I know that the Potter heir has glasses (every Potter so far had them) and so far no one with glasses came around me! At least the young boy from the red-haired family showed himself, but when I cheerfully waved at him and showed him that there are vacant seats here, he went quickly green and rushed into the compartment next to us. I only heard him say: "Anyone sitting here? Everywhere else is full." before he hastened to close the door. I just had to shake my head. Is he that dumb? He didn't even go through the whole train, how could he know that!? If he waited 'til he checked one more compartment, he'd have known that the compartment with me is almost empty! Seriously, why does anyone I meet turn up stupid, cowardly or evil? Or even ugly! Oh yeah, those twins from that family passed me shortly after, but they didn't even look at me and they ignored my gestures as well.

* * *

I sit down a little sadly. It seems that no one else wants to sit with me, which is a big and sad surprise but well, I'll have to live with it. I also must have missed the Potter boy; I don't know how, but the fact is I didn't see him. I look around me – there are only the pansy boy and the nerd girl. Not the material I wished to have, but they'll have to suffice. Oh well – it's time to befriend them!

"Do you look forward to being in Hogwarts? I must say I really do, it'll be so much fun!" I ask them. I don't even care for the answer – it's obvious that everyone does, I needn't have asked – but it's always a good idea to ask them something so they know you value their opinion. It doesn't work – the nerd looks at me completely bewildered and the boy tries to say something, but still shakily so I continue so that I cement their good feeling around me: "I mean, getting all the friends there, and learning even more magic than I know now, and just being the star of our classes, I can't wait for it! What about you?"  
The nerd girl's eyes shine and she looks at me with new interest. "More magic than you know now? Which kinds of magic do you know? Did you also try to read your textbooks already?"

"Of course not, dear, I'm not a stupid nerd, I threw my books into my suitcase at once and they will probably stay there throughout my whole studies," I reassure her kindly. For some reason, this seems to anger her and now she looks at me as if I were some kind of heretic. That's bad, I have to undo the damage, therefore I continue: "But I am simply a magical person. My smile is just perfect, my face looks like a face of an angel, I am very kind and smart and I'm magically very powerful, obviously. Won't it be perfect to be my friend?"  
"Your friend?" she hisses. "Definitely not! You're the most bigheaded, arrogant and self-righteous jerk I've ever known or read about!"  
Oh no, this keeps going worse and worse. Did I mention today how unlucky I am?

"I don't think it's that bad, my dear… What's your name anyway?" I ask her. Then I remember I should actually try to befriend the other one as well, so I turn around to him and ask him as well: "And what's your name?" He looks up, obviously surprised, and he shakily says: "N-Neville." Neville – what a pansy name!  
"Neville – what a sexy name!" I try to boost his confidence with a small wink, but he's pale again and he stubbornly looks out of the window.  
"Sexy name?" harrumphs the nerd. "What's this nonsense? We're all only eleven! Frankly, I'm surprised poor Neville didn't shoot out of this compartment with you constantly frightening him! He'd be much better in any other compartment! Right, Neville?!"  
Neville's eyes widen yet again and he almost shrinks in his seat. He shakes his head, not looking at us. In fact, he shakes so much that I would almost miss him shaking his head.  
"Look! He says it himself, he's alright! Right, Neville?" I want to pat him on his back, but suddenly the door of our compartment slides open.

* * *

There is an old and wrinkled witch with a creaky cart out there. She smiles and says: "Anything off the cart, dears?" My two new friends look up and open their mouths, but I'm quicker.  
"Oh, no, don't bother at all, I won't take anything, I'm on a diet. And my friend here as well." I quickly respond, pointing on Neville.  
"Seriously!" the nerd shouts again. "How can you know that? Besides, Neville could have said it himself!"  
"Oh, but even if he's not on a diet, it would help him to be even better-looking and he doesn't seem to be brave enough to want it," I wink at her.  
The girl just huffs angrily and turns to Neville. "Tell me, do you want to buy anything? Don't mind her now, answer for yourself!"  
The pansy boy, who have obviously calmed a little so far and the color started to return to his cheeks, pales again and hastily shakes his head. "You see?" I smile at her. She narrows her eyes and stops the witch who is already closing the door: "Would you stay, please? I would like to buy something!" She throws a hateful look at me and continues: "I hope that someone won't try to stop me as well!"  
"Don't worry, you can buy as much candy as you wish!" I confirm in a friendly way so that she can calm down and see the advantages of being my friend, "a diet wouldn't help you anyway! Right, Neville?" I turn on him so that the poor guy can finally join our conversation, but he starts bawling and runs away from our compartment in tears. What a pansy.

"Perfect, now look at what you've done!" shouts the nerd girl. "You've made poor Neville run away!"  
"That's not my fault, he probably just wants to be alone," I shrug.  
"No wonder he wants to be alone when he's just met you," jeers the girl. That's really like a curse! I constantly try to befriend people and they're often the most heartless people who even make fun of me! Such a horror! I have a feeling that despite my very friendly attitude, this girl won't be my friend either.  
"That was completely uncalled for!" I raise my voice for the first time. "I'm totally friendly to everyone I meet!"  
"No, you aren't!" shouts the girl. "You're constantly belittling me! You brought Neville to tears! No wonder that no one else wanted to sit with you!"  
"They would all want; they were just all already seated!" I retort quickly.  
"Stop lying. I noticed the two times you made those funny gestures and no one came here. Besides, when we arrived here, there were still many people on the platform. No, no one wanted to sit with you, and I'm not surprised. Just look at yourself, you look like an overgrown Barbie and act like a total jerk!" By now, she seems to be almost on the verge of tears herself. Serves her right, she shouldn't have been such an insensitive jerk.  
"No, I don't act like a jerk! I was perfectly friendly, I even asked for your name!" I continue proving her wrong, but she doesn't stop attacking me.  
"Oh yes, you asked for my name! Such a great deed! It doesn't matter that you didn't even listen to me saying it, because you were already asking Neville, at least you asked!"  
"Nice! So you see how friendly have I been?" I smile, but our conversation is interrupted once again.

This time it's Neville, he looks back into our compartment with his signature frightened and tearful expression.  
"Did you see..." He starts asking the nerd girl, apparently not noticing me. It's time to show how great friend I am!  
"Yes, Neville, what was I supposed to see?" I gently ask him, which prompts him to look at me, pale again and move quickly to the next compartment.  
"Honestly, you're terrible. Did no one tell you not to interrupt people's conversations?" flips the nerd girl into a rage again.  
"Of course, I was being helpful!" I respond.  
"Helpful? You call this helpful? You know, I can't put up with you anymore, I'm rather going to help Neville! This way I can at least do something productive!" she rages and storms off.

What an idiot. She honestly doesn't see how friendly I am? That's a hopeless case. Well, anyway, it seems that I'm alone for a while, so I take my make-up from my suitcase and genuinely smile at last. So far, this has been a terrible journey, but my favorite pastime will cheer me up without a doubt.

 **A.N.:** Hope you liked it, if yes, feel free to follow, favorite and comment. :) There will probably be a sizable gap to next chapter again (I still have some exams), but I hope not THAT sizable. See you soon - hopefully.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:  
**...  
I am not the author of the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters appearing in this story (with one exception).  
I am not the author of the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters appearing in this story (with one exception).  
I am not the author of the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters appearing in this story (with one exception). Done!

 **A.N.** Yeah, another delay. I've miscalculated the impact of the Winter Olympics, but the next one will be without a delay, I promise!

 **Chapter 5**

The rest of the journey is bound to be simply perfect. The nerdy jerk luckily haven't returned to our compartment so far, probably because she was afraid I'd show her again how insensitive she is. That only fits me; no one wants to put up with insensitive jerks, even though I'm sure I would very easily defeat her in a verbal discussion, because I'm very smart. The pansy boy didn't return either, which I wouldn't mind that much, I mean, he's just a terrible pansy and otherwise he's good, but well, I'm not especially sad this way either. At least I could repair my make-up, and that returned me to a great mood. I must admit, though, that I'm starting to feel slightly bored now. It's better than with the nerd, but it's terrible to be here without anyone to gush over me. I feel so alone, and I hate feeling alone because it reminds me of my very sad life without parents. Come on, say that my life is terrible and I deserve all the love I can get! Not because I need it, of course; hah, that's laughable! As if I was some whining idiot begging for attention! No, it's of course because that would mean you're a smart person who deserves being treated with respect and I would wish that on everyone in the world! Yeah, that's it. There's no other reason, definitely. Can you see how saint I am? Honestly, it's a shame so many people don't understand how perfect I am and how I deserve their respect! They clearly have both parents! But yeah, that's alright. I don't complain and I never will, exactly because I'm so saint.

* * *

Well, anyway, I start to feel bored and because I'm so smart, I deal with it in the most logical way available – I go outside into the corridor, looking for anyone to talk with. And luck is finally on my side. I knew it will be so, because I am perfect and therefore I also always have luck. The two red-headed twins are coming the opposite way, talking happily.

"Hi!" I squeak happily, so that they notice me.

They look up and turn pale. Obviously they're just remembering my story and how sad it is, so I have to speak to distract them from it, because their red hair terribly clashes with their pale face.

"How are you guys? I just can't wait to be at school with you guys as my friends! What subjects do they teach there, anyway?"

My perfect solution apparently works, because suddenly they look better, and with one last solemn look and handshake they brace themselves to try to manage being in my presence. I like that, it's always good to see someone work on themselves. One of them looks up and says, "Yeah, the subjects? Oh, there are many of them, do you want to hear some?"

"Yeah!" I say politely. Of course I don't want to hear them because they're school subjects so that they will definitely be very boring, but I have some manners, unlike the jerk girl.

"Well, for example, you can take Perfect makeup classes," he starts.

"Perfect makeup? Really? I love it! When can I sign?" I squeal. Can you believe it? Those classes will be simply perfect!

"Oh, as soon as we arrive at Hogwarts, naturally. You'll just go to Professor McGonagall and tell her. She looks like an old woman, but she's actually a young lady who got sick of students falling in love with her, so she permanently applied the make-up."

Ha, ha, ha. As if he thought I'd believe him. It's obvious that this is all a lie, I'm not stupid. After all, no one would mind multiple people falling in love with them. But on the other hand, Snape probably would – is it possible that she's also such a fun-hating bastard? No, definitely not. No one can be worse than Snape, ever. Also, she teaches Perfect makeup, she can't be bad! It's probably one of their funny jokes and she actually has a good reason.

"What other subjects are there?" I ask him eagerly.

"Oh? Well, let me think for a moment… for example Charms. You should meet the teacher, he's as charming as he's high. Some people say he actually looks like an occamy!"

"What is that?"

"Uh… Something very, very beautiful."

"That's perfect!" I squeal again. I wouldn't squeal that often but I have to show them that I'm a girly, cute and lovable girl. But seriously, can you believe that?

"Also, there are Lotions. The teacher can brew whatever you want. Just don't ask him how often he uses shampoo, he loves talking about it and you'd be bored to death."

It looks better with every word. This is my dream school! Could you believe my luck? I never have luck, this seems almost too good to be true! Although, the boy probably doesn't know me that much yet, or he wouldn't think I'd be bored with talking about shampoo. I definitely have to ask the teacher when we get there, but for now, I have to stop thinking and listen to him because he continues.

"…and finally, there is Defence of Pink Arts. I don't know much about the teacher, we're getting a new one. But I bet he'll be great."

"Oh, that's good." I say. It seems I didn't catch a thing of his list, but let's show him I listened. "And what happened to the last one?"

"Oh, nothing that bad, he just died. He discovered that someone changed the color of the flowers painted on the walls of his room from pink to blue, and he died from shock. It won't happen to this one, though."

I'm not paying attention to these words, though, because with a start, I remember that Snape's supposed to be a teacher there. Oh no. What can he actually teach in such a perfect school?

"And what about Snape?" I say, very frightened.

"Oh, him! You know him already?" asks the boy.

"Yeah. He's evil! He tried to chuck out my lipstick! And your brother says he teaches at this school." I tell him.

"Oh yeah, he teaches Sweating and Avoiding Showers," explains the boy.

"Ewww, gross! I'm not gonna do this one," I exclaim.

"You have no choice, that's the only one you have to take. If you're not good, they won't let you take Perfect Makeup or those other ones." he shrugs.

"THAT'S SO UNFAIR!" I shout, while the boy smirks. Would you believe that? You don't have to answer, that was a rhetorical question. Of course you wouldn't. Really, they make such a perfect school for me and that idiotic Snape has to ruin it for me and everyone else by his stupid subject which is the grossest of gross subjects ever. Life is so unfair to me! And, and I don't have parents!

"Aren't you a friend of our brother Ron? Because I saw him in the next wagon, and he said he wants to give you a present," says the second twin, which suddenly appears behind my back. His twin shots him a grateful look, probably for taking care of my friendship. And I'm not surprised he did that, I'm just that lovable. But why am I even saying it? You've all seen it by now.

"Oh, that's so cuuuuute!" I squeal with a girly giggle so that they don't forget I'm a girl and go into the next wagon to see this thoughtful surprise.

* * *

It turns out that the next wagon looks exactly like our wagon, with so many compartments, which means it may be pretty hard to find the compartment with Ron and with his surprise. Oh well, there is no easier and faster way than to look through every compartment, so that's what I'm going to do.

I open the door of the first compartment. There are two people – a nigger boy and a girl. I don't mind the girl though, because I'm wondering who let the boy in. That's about a second nigger I've met among wizards, and I thought Hogwarts was supposed to be a British school? Well, anyway, I ask the girl: "Hi! Have you seen Ron here? He's my friend."

The girl snorts and looks at me condescendingly: "Ron!? As in, Ron Weasley?"

"I don't know. He's red-haired and he has many brothers."

"Yes, that's the blood traitor Weasley. We don't mingle with filthy blood-traitors like him," confirms the nigger boy.

How dare he? Ron's sometimes really unbearable, but how can he hint that I, being perfect and all, would choose someone filthy as MY friend? She's such a jerk! Why do I meet only jerks on the train? This really is like a curse, and the fate is so damn unlucky to me! Like, can you believe it?

"I'll have you know that he's actually my friend, so you'd better stop badmouthing him. Hating on other classes of people and calling them names is disgusting anyway, you nigger bastard!" I exclaim wisely.

"Oh, as if we needed a blessing from someone like you! Who you are, anyway?" says the jerk girl. Wait! That nerd is jerk girl, I'll have to address this girl differently. Maybe stupid jerk girl?

"That was wrong question, Pansy. What you are, anyway?" says that damn nigger and looks on me as if I were inferior to him or something. How dare he? I bet he has both stupid nigger parents, stupid nigger boy!

"Oh!" My eyes light up, because even though these two are far from polite, they give me a chance to properly introduce myself. "My name is Angela Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna!"

"Oh, so you're a filthy mudblood anyway. And your stupid mudblood parents must really hate you if they gave you this ridiculous name," jeers the awful girl.

"It sounds exactly like what the little blood-traitor would do, befriending the first mudblood available," adds the nigger boy. But the girl finally said too much.

"My parents are dead, you insensitive little jerk! You're lucky that I'm such an angel and I still wish that your two stupid mothering idiots you call your parents would die so that you'd become a better person!" With these words, I angrily storm out of the compartment. I hope that the jerks are finally ashamed to see how a perfect person am I and what a filth are they. After all, everyone can become a better person, except me. I'm perfect already.

The twins are standing outside, a little ashamed. Obviously, they heard everything. Or at least saw us shouting at each other, that thing might have been a little hard to miss through the glass door.

Finally, the one standing on the left says: "You know, you could have just asked us where is he. He's in the last compartment, the one on the opposite side."

I'm quite thankful he mentioned that, because that could be a long journey otherwise. Still, he apparently has no common sense because he could also say it immediately. Seriously, it seems no one near me has a brain! Apart from me, of course, but I'm not even sure if I can count myself into people around me. Oh well.

* * *

I swiftly stroll through the wagon and enter the last compartment. Surprisingly, it's completely empty. Not that no compartment can be empty, but so far, I haven't seen a compartment where no one would be. Also, how come Ron is not here, when they told me he is? I almost turn around and get out of the compartment, telling the twins off for such a cruel joke which obviously hurt me, when I notice a small pink package with an enormous pink bow on it, and a small pink letter attached! That's clearly for me! Oh, Ron's such a sweetheart, he somehow figured out my favorite color already!

I squeal happily and start reading the letter. It says: _Dearest Angela! I like being your friend so much and I'm very sorry I had to go into another compartment. I have a gift for you in this box and I just know that it'll make you even more beautiful than you are now. I hope you'll like it!  
Ronald_

Woooooow! He's so cuuuute! That was very thoughtful of him! Finally, it seems everything's in order; I have some polite boys around me who think I'm perfect, who admire me and give me gifts, and that's how it's supposed to be. I happily open the box to see what's inside.

NOOO WHAT THE HELL IT IS I CAN'T SEE AT ALL! In the moment I opened the box, something hit my face and even though I closed my eyes at once, it got there as well! I still like the fact that Ron thought of me and gave me such a thoughtful gift, but seriously, couldn't he warn me first? He's such an idiot, not thinking things through and missing such an obvious thing! It really seems I was correct that I'm the only person around with some brain. But yeah, when weren't I correct? Yeah.

Well anyway, I try to go to the train restroom so that I can clean my eyes, but it's hard to get there because I can't see. What's worse, there's much laughter around me and I can't see the funny thing which makes them laugh! That would be a great way to bond with them! Finally, I get there, but I have to clean my eyes for such a long time before I can open them. The only thing keeping me from anger is the thought of how much more beautiful I probably already am. Because I at least deserve it, I deserve that far more than some ugly bitch who's not just perfect and who isn't liked by everyone. Well anyway, I finish cleaning my eyes and I can finally look into the mirror on my new beauty, and all I can do is gape in shock.

OH MY GOD THIS IS TERRIBLE! In the package, there was actually black paint and when I opened it, it shot against my face and completely covered it! NOW I LOOK LIKE A DAMN NIGGER! What was Ron thinking? That was a terrible gift! I'm so going to tell him off when I meet him, because I totally didn't like his terrible gift! Oh my god, that's exactly what happens to me all the time! When it seems life stopped being a bitch to me and I've found someone who likes me, it turns out he's a complete idiot! Oh my god, am I not the most unlucky lady ever? I know I am, and let's face it, you know it as well.

* * *

Oh well, I storm out from the restroom wanting to tell Ron Weasley off, but there I finally see the laughing people and they start nudging each other, pointing at me and laugh even more. OH MY GOD THEY WERE LAUGHING AT ME CAN YOU BELIEVE THOSE SUCKERS? Like, they're laughing at me and they don't even think of the possibility that the thing they're doing may hurt the other person. I hate those jerks.

"What are you all laughing at, tell me!" I shout at them. "It's not my fault that I look so, it's because of Ron Weasley and his idiotic gift, you should be laughing at him! You're all self-righteous jerks and you're all lucky I'm not like you and I wish only the best upon you! I hope that you're parents will die!" I end triumphantly and storm off. Hopefully, they'll see the error in their ways. But then, I see a thing so surprising that I stop dead in my tracks.

In on compartment, well hidden on the edge of the crowd, are those damn twins and they listen eagerly on what was said! Like in the flash of lightning, I finally see the truth and I can't believe I was overlooking it for such a long time, not punishing the bastards the moment I saw them! They obviously knew of Ron's gift to me, and they didn't warn me because they thought it would be fun! Oh my god, they're such royal jerks, I can't understand why anyone likes them at all!

The moment they notice me staring angrily at them, emitting wizarding power from every part of my body and heavenly beautiful in spite of the color on my face, they gulp and start escaping from me, but they simply can't escape my powerful magic and my superior reflexes!

Well, I mean normally they wouldn't of course, but there's this stupid girl who just stands in my way and she just can't waste time to look back and move away when I run for them so I hit her and by the time I can start running again they've already run past me. But of course, I am very fast, so I'm going to eventually catch them and curse them to oblivion, all because they could theoretically tell me about Ron's gift. Hey, I just have this great determination, you gotta praise me for it. When I set my mind on something, nothing will get me to stop. I'm also very cunning, as you could already see.

* * *

Well anyway, they ran from me into the next wagon, but I keep the distance small and I am sure I'm almost catching them. They are also afraid of it, I can see them looking back often with smiles on their faces. They probably think they're going to get me to like them with their smiles, which again proves they're idiots.  
THUNK! Oh great! Another idiot who won't ever care to look where I'm running and hits me! Just when I almost had them! Well, by the time I get up, the twins disappeared, and to my great anger, that idiot turns out to be the nerd jerk girl!

"Oh, so you can't even watch your step!" I shout at her. "Just when I was almost on their level!"

"Oh really? And who's been running like a mad… as a madwoman? I haven't! That's exactly what's wrong with you, you just do something without thinking and when it naturally backfires, you blame other people. Is it so inconceivable for your small brain that you could actually be wrong?" says the jerk girl unfairly.

"Of course I can be wrong! That's why I behave so perfectly, because I don't want to ever be wrong! And face it, you jerk – who does?" I retort wisely. Buuuurn!

"You know what? I don't know how I can even still talk to you! It's lucky that we're almost there, because if I'd have one hour more to be in the same compartment as you, I'd probably jumped out of a window!" she rages.

"Well, too bad we're almost there, then, the world could have been nicer," I respond icily.

"I'm sick of you," she hisses and turns around just when one of the compartments opens and three boys run out of it towards us, which attracts her attention. With last look full of hatred undeserved on my part thrown on me, she surrenders cowardly into that compartment. What a terrible person.

Well anyway, she mentioned we're already almost there and for once I think she wasn't lying, which means I should go back to retrieve my possessions. I return to the restroom to clean the rest of the paint and then to my compartment to take my luggage, but it seems I don't have a good timing, because Neville is there and he's just finishing changing his clothes for his own hideous black cloak. When I enter, he quickly turns around and grows pale.

* * *

"Hi, Neville! Why are you putting on that hideous cloak? You didn't look that ugly in your normal clothes!" I smile at him and try to boost his ego, because if only he wasn't such an idiotic pansy, he'd be actually a pretty good guy. Not as good as me, but then, who is?

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work, because he only whimpers and run away without even collecting his suitcase. "Hey, Neville, where are you running? Come back, you've forgotten your baggage!" I shout after him, but he doesn't return.

"He hasn't," says a cold voice behind me, "they collect our suitcases, we don't have to bother with that."

I turn around only to see the jerk girl, who looks on me angrily and heads for the restroom. After a few steps, she turns around and adds: "Oh, and you should change into your cloak. It's compulsory."

That's terrible! So they really can order me to wear that ugly cloak? Well, I have news for you idiots – there's no way that's going to happen!

Just as I think of that, a metallic voice echoes through the wagon: "We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes' time. Please leave your luggage on the train, it will be taken to the school separately." As if they were trying to make an impression that they can order me around! Oh well, too bad for you! I'm never ever ever going to take this ugly cloak again!

Well anyway, it seems that outside, people are moving towards the door, so I naturally join them. Those near me throw a weird look at me and my pink dress, but I don't mind. At least they'll remember me. Besides, I'd rather be myself than a sheep like them (they're all in those cloaks).

* * *

We arrived to a small train station which I definitely don't like, because it's so small and it looks like a normal train station and seriously, can't wizards have a wonderful one like the one where we started? Honestly, no one would say this was a wizard's train station and that is so stupid! Well, I don't have much time to check the station anyway, because a hoarse voice says: "Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there, Harry?"

I look in the direction of the voice and I'm just afraid. Oh my god, is that a giant? And it's so hairy, ewww! I'm suddenly happy I'm in the back of the crowd, who knows what this giant will do in the next moment? That's exactly like the idiotic Headmaster whom Snape was that fond of, first he basically order us to be naked and then he sends a giant to kill us so that he doesn't have to teach us. I'm really wondering why this school hasn't been closed yet, with a Headmaster like this.

By that time, I notice I actually stopped paying attention to it, but luckily it's only speaking again: "…any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!"So, upon seeing that others are really that foolish and follow it, I reluctantly start to follow it as well, but very much in the rear end of the crowd and still prepared to start running in the opposite direction in case anything happened.

But wait! That giant was speaking to some Harry! Could it be that it was Harry Potter? Wow! I start jumping up and down so that I see the front, but all I can see is the back of their heads. Besides, after a while it starts to irritate people around me. I don't get them, I didn't want to land on their feet! They should have moved their feet from under mine, so why exactly are they mad at me? Sadly, they are too idiotic to grasp such an obvious idea and still argue with me, so I stop because they obviously don't pay attention to facts. Besides, it's so dark here that I wouldn't see him, anyway. Honestly, did no one think of installing streetlamps in this forest? It's really a disturbing thought that this "smart" Headmaster person obviously didn't think of such an obvious thing, I mean, you can't really be smart if you don't know everything just like me! Right?

Well anyway, I can't afford thinking much about it, because I'm still eyeing the giant and I don't want to lose my attention again. I can see the giant is speaking, but from the distance I don't know what exactly it says. Especially with its thick accent, it can't even speak properly, that's scandalizing! I really, really hope it's not contagious, because I wouldn't ever want to be such a beast which can't even speak. I can see, though, that people are looking to the right and they have a mesmerized… OOOOOOOOOH! Wooooooow! There's such a great, beautiful castle there! That's where we'll study and live? This is like a perfect dream! I don't want to wake up from it, never! For the first time in my life, my sad eyes twinkle because it seems everything will be better now. I mean, this is such a beautiful place that hopefully it can even change the character of its inhabitants to the better. Those who behave like jerks will hopefully see the error in their ways, ask me for forgiveness, which I may even grant (because I'm very kind), and they'll live happily ever after worshipping me like good people.

* * *

Suddenly, I step into a water and squeal. It seems I was so entangled in my thoughts that I didn't even notice we came to the water. Would you believe it? You don't have to answer that, it was a rhetorical question. I know very well you wouldn't.

Well anyway, it seems we're supposed to travel through the lake on crude boats, and my perfect mood worsens again. Why, they have enough sense to make such a wonderful and stylish castle which will make student long for studying there and they somehow miss the obvious continuation of sending luxurious yachts for us? It's good that I finally come here, maybe now I'll make it better.

Yeah, and people are going into the boats in the groups of four. Seems pretty smart to me, mind you, these boats look so frail that they would probably sink if more people tried to board them. But with whom should I ride? Definitely not Ron, I'm still angry with him and besides, he's with the unbearable jerk girl in one of the first boats. Oh well, it's making friends time! I randomly choose a boat with three other people. They look at me and widen their eyes. This seems to be a universal reaction to me and I'd really like to know why. Of course, I can think of the obvious idea that they are going to worship me, but sadly it is too often followed by cruel remarks and jerkass behavior, and that is very sad.

Well, anyway, I get aboard and no one says anything against me, and that giant (which has its own boat. Yes, it's that huge. Yes, I also think it should be kept away from people.) asks if everyone is in. Or if we've seen a banana shake dancing on a table made from mahagony which was carved on the top of a carousel by a one-eyed sailor with his monkey, I can only guess with its accent. Then it shouts: "FORWARD!" with such a deafening voice that it's actually impossible for me not to know what he says, and my boat starts moving. Well, at least that's something; I'd hate having to paddle if I were in the skin of the three guys. (Can you see how sympathetic I am?) Still, it's not as good as those luxurious yachts, right? Right. Well, it also shouts: "Heads down!" And I see the cliff so actually, for once, listening to it might be a good idea. The trouble is, I'm so surprised by this shocking turn of events that I almost forget to do so. Luckily, with the help of my superior reflexes I lower my head in time to not hit it, while we're entering a dark tunnel. That cunning beast! I bet that was its plan from the start to shock us with such a plot-twist so much that we forget to lower our heads which would knock us out so that it can eat us in the dark without any suspicion. Not a bad plan for such an animal, but I'm too smart for that! Just you wait, if I see anyone missing when we get out of the tunnel, I'm making noise!

Sadly, this perfectly thought-out plan is thwarted, since we stop our boats still in the tunnel and we have to climb some steps, probably into the castle. Wait, if I can see those steps, it's probably not enough dark for it to devour us without raising a suspicion, right? Well anyway, the giant is checking the boats (probably for spare people who fell asleep), but it doesn't seem to find anyone. Except for… "Oy, yeh there! Is this yer toad?" asks the giant and raises a toad in its hand. "Trevor!" shouts Neville the pansy boy happily. Hmm, this was a surprising incident; I didn't expect such a reaction from the giant. You know, I hate to admit that, but it seems I misjudged it. Clearly, it isn't an all-eating terrific monster without any humanly feeling. It has to be an all-except-toads-eating monster without any humanly feeling. I wish I were a toad.

Well anyway, we're already at the main gate and with its last confirming of the fact that Neville still has his toad, it knocks on the door thrice. The word "knocks" is there only because I can't think of a better word – the gate is clearly magical because even the stupid giant didn't break it when it hit it. I mean, it hit that gate, not that it hit itself, and also the gate didn't hit the giant, I suppose it would be too much to ask from it, as it's not that magical. Why I am explaining this anyway? If you're as smart as me, you understood it the first time I said the sentence. Oh wait, no one is as smart as me! My fault! Can you see how considerate I am? Honestly, it's a shame that hardly anyone notices it.

* * *

Anyway, by the time I end this complicated thought, the door is already opened, but that's not what is important. Important is that I suddenly spot among the people someone who has a black hair and glasses, it's clearly Potter! After all, I'm from a pureblood family, I've learned to recognize the most famous pureblood families, even those from abroad. I gape at him with my mouth agape, but he doesn't seem to be thrilled with my attention (even though I don't know why) and he just shows me to come inside. Of course, I do so. Not only it's definitely warmer inside, but also the room is sooo big and beautiful! I like it when something is beautiful, in case you couldn't tell.

Well anyway, I liked that, but then we were all pushed into a smaller and definitely less beautiful room. I look around in hopes that the part behind me is better, but no such luck. Yeah, this room is far worse, and it's really terrible from them to make us all go here. We're really crammed here, if you'd thrown an apple, it couldn't fall on the floor! Oh, maybe not an apple, an apple is small after all. I mean, everyone would be able to see that apple and we would probably squeeze even more so we would be really hard pressed but the apple would land. It would have to be something bigger, like a bird. But of course, that would create another problem because a bird would probably quit falling and start flying, so this wouldn't solve anything. I have to think of something else, like a football, a dolphin or a piano. A piano! That's it! Oh, wait, the piano WOULD fall, it would just kill some of us in the process. I really hope this wouldn't happen, by the way, because it could hit me by chance. I just have to select something not that small and not that heavy.

So – we're really crammed here, if you'd thrown a very large piece of paper, it wouldn't even fall on the ground! Plus the room is terribly dark and it is only lit by some torches. That is extremely dangerous, what if someone lost something flammable and the torch would fall on it by chance and someone else would try to put it out and ignite themselves and run and ignite other people? But I guess that no one thinks of basic safety rules here. I can't really blame them, because I'm wise and I know you can't expect idiots to think of everything. Luckily, I'm here and I can help them!

Anyway, by the time I finish thinking of the various deficiencies of this so-called "room", we're alone here and I'm bored again. What are they making us wait for? Just bring me to that Headmaster person, let him put me to the coolest and most beautiful house (even an idiot like him can't possibly be THAT cruel), and let us go sleep because all important is done! But nooo, they just have to make us wait! Please, let it be the time for us to go there, we're here for what feels like an hour!  
But yeah, I'm well-known for my unbelievable patience, so I brace myself and continue waiting. When I almost start thinking the waiting may even become acceptable in the future, something happens that makes me scream. Suddenly, I feel as if something cold passed me, and a transparent figure shows in front of me. I don't hesitate at all and run for my life.

* * *

I open the door and look frantically around to see where to run next, when I notice Potter going towards me. Finally, I'm saved! He says sharply: "What are you looking around for? If I find out there has been an upset in the room and you are only covering it, you will face the consequences, Miss."

"But you don't understand, Potter! There are monsters there, almost transparent!" I plead to him so that he may see the truth.

He turns around with a strange expression on his face. "What have you called me?"

Oh c- Oh no! Now he's suspicious of me because I'm not supposed to know his name yet. I have to explain so he can start believing me and help me fight off those monsters, so I do so: "I'm the last member of the honorable house of Belladonna, and so I was taught about the most influential pureblood families of European countries. I deduced you are actually the Potter heir because the family members always have black hair, like you, and wear glasses, like you, and…"

He suddenly interjects me, with a pained expression, and his surprising words change literally everything: "But surely, such a thorough lesson must have also revealed the fact that the Potter heir is now an eleven-year-old male?"

OH MY GOD! This is such a surprising plot twist, I mean, don't say to me that you weren't surprised, like I was! I can't believe I didn't piece the information earlier! In my excitement over finding a Potter heir, I have missed the fact that this person is actually an elderly woman!

Meanwhile, the woman looks at my shocked face and continues: "My real name is Professor McGonagall. Right now, I would advise you to return to the room, where you were supposed to wait for me. It should be absolutely safe, the ghosts are not known for killing living people. The lack of material body tends to be quite a drawback when trying to manipulate a murder weapon, after all."

Slightly less fearful because of McGonagall's words, I turn around to return to the room, but I am stopped by her one last time. "And put on the uniform. It's compulsory."

I defiantly face her. "You can't make me wear this black hideousness!"

Her mouth forms a thin line. "I think you'll find out we can, if you want to study here. So stop speaking nonsense, girl, and put it over that ridiculous pink thing."

I'm seething. Can they really throw me out just because they have a different sense of beauty? Wait, they don't have different sense of beauty, because they don't have it at all. No one who prefers that ugliness over my nice and girly dress can understand the word "beauty". But magic is all my life, and I don't want to risk that. I'll just pretend to study until they'll notice I'm mightier than they all combined, then they'll make me a teacher and I'll fire them. Yes, that will be the best revenge.

* * *

I quickly put that ugliness over my dress and slip inside unnoticed because the other students are still interacting with the ghosts. But then, McGonagall enters after me and the ghosts leave, so she's able to make a line from us and lead us away. I'm at the very end of the line, behind the blonde girl from the bank.

We're led into a huge hall which is apparently called the Great Hall (does anyone from the wizarding world have a ounce of imagination? Wait, I do…), which looks very beautiful! Finally a place where we can see that we'll be living in a beautiful castle! It's so beautiful that I'm almost able to forgive the castle builders for some minor drawbacks like another stupid violation of safety rules (seriously, if only one candle falls, we may all burn!), but there's an oversight I just can't overlook.

"Too bad they've forgotten to build a ceiling; otherwise it'd be really beautiful!" I whisper out loud.

"It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History." whispers the nerdy jerk from the front with a cocky expression. Well, no one was even asking her stupid opinion, so why does she butt in? She really has to be the worst person here, and it's clear she's never going to find a friend. Those stupid wizarding parents of her are probably pampering her and teaching her that anyone besides her noble house is inferior. I hate those stupid, parents-having elitists!

But anyway, by this time, McGonagall have already brought us here and now puts an old, disgusting hat on a stool. I really can't understand why she does so, this hideous thing lowers the beauty of the whole hall! I'm just thinking of how I'm going to magic it on fire when I learn to do so when it completely catches me by surprise when it starts singing. And I must admit it was not a particularly bad song, especially for such a dirty hat. The problem is, according to what it said, I don't like these houses at all. Gryffindors sound just like jerks; I've met too many people in this world who had the nerve to insult me so people with nerve have to be jerks. Hufflepuffs sound like sheep; they're just loyal? I'm much, much more than that. Ravenclaws sound like bland non-important guys; I'm supposed to find my kind? I can't, I'm unique! And I don't like the name Slytherin so it has to be one of the other three stupid houses.

Oh well, but I'd better concentrate because McGonagall tells us to put on the hat when we're called. She must be joking! It's so dirty! But I suppose I'll have to do so, wizards probably have many stupid rites like that so the sooner I'm done with that, the better. And I can be called at any moment, luckily the first person called was Hannah Abbott, who turned out to be the blonde from the bank. She was surprisingly sorted to Hufflepuff, I'd have thought that those unimportant bland guys were supposed to end in Ravenclaw. Oh well.

* * *

OH MY GOD, I'M ALREADY CALLED! Can you believe it? I go to the stool and put the hat determinedly on my head. I suppose I must be looking pretty idiotic, so I hope it's determined soon.

"Hmm, interesting!"something says inside me. I know it's not me, because I don't find this stupid hat interesting at all!

"I don't think I have ever seen something like that," continues the voice, "but I think this should be pretty easy."

"Whatever, just sent me to where Potter is," I tell that voice.

"That would be quite hard, given that he wasn't sorted yet," it replies and brings immense sadness upon me, "but your words confirm my decision anyway. HUFFLEPUFF!"

* * *

Immensely relieved that it's finally done, I quickly take away the hat and hurry to the same table where Hannah went earlier. There are still some empty chairs, so I sit on one of them and watch the Sorting. It's not particularly fun, watching so many people I don't know get sorted, but after all they're my next fans, so I should at least appear to pay some attention to them.

But then, the jerk girl (called Hermione Granger, by the way) is called and I start to really pay attention. I hope so much that she doesn't go into my house, that would be terrible! After all, the house can't be that bad, if it was deemed worthy to be my house, right? Right. Luckily, she's sorted into Gryffindor. Just like I thought, it's the house of jerks. Just like the two idiotic twins who are also there and they seem to think that deafening everyone including me with their catcalling anytime someone gets selected to their house is funny. Idiots, they never think of others!

The next person which has some interest for me is Neville. Sadly, when he's called, he appears to be totally nervous, and even though I generously try to help him by winking at him, it doesn't seem to be better and he even forgets to take off the hat. What a pansy. Wait, he was sorted into Gryffindor? But he's not a jerk! Seriously, this sorting looks so random to me. Like, the hat says the qualities you have to possess in order to get selected to these houses and then chooses those who don't have them? I don't understand it. After that, I quickly lose interest in it and start getting bored again, but then, a surprising name catches my attention again.

"Harry Potter!" says McGonagall, and I can see that I'm not the only one who's intrigued by this name. Finally, I will see him!

But it doesn't look like I will see him, because he doesn't come. Instead, the stupid black-haired idiot I saw at Kings Cross comes to the stool and takes the hat. Typical, that idiot clearly doesn't understand that it was Harry Potter who was called, and he comes instead because he can't wait a little. I hate those insensitive idiots. The stupid way he's looking through his glasses… WAIT! Can it be that this idiot is actually Harry Potter? THAT'S EVEN BIGGER PLOT TWIST! There wasn't a single clue, this is unfair! Life can't do this to me! THIS ISN'T FAIR! I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO MEET A GUY WHO TURNS OUT TO BE AN IDIOT! Why is life doing this to me, I don't deserve it! This isn't fair! Seriously, from the beginning of my life I meet only hardships, even though everyone including you agrees I don't deserve any, and then you can see such an idiot who clearly had a beautiful, royal childhood and everyone fawns around him because he's just the famous Potter! And he isn't even grateful for how lucky he is! I can see it in his eyes! He's a jerk and he kills puppies for fun! Why do these people even exist? This is unfair!

Oh wait, he's gone by now. Good riddance, if you ask me. I hope he didn't come to our table. No, he didn't, I can't see him, and my eyesight is the best ever. As I look around, I notice that the sorting is still on and it's the Ron's turn. The hat doesn't even hesitate much and it sends him to Gryffindor; clearly even the stupid hat can see how big jerk he is. I bet it saw his stupid attempt to disfigure me in his head and even the hat was disgusted by it. After all, I'm loved by everyone, except Ron. And Snape, yeah, but I don't think he's fully human. And that jerk girl Hermione. And these jerk twins. And those jerks who said I'm a mudblood, whatever it is. And that stupid giant, but that's not personal, it doesn't even hate people, it just wants to eat them. And that stupid jerk Potter boy. Yeah, but those are jerks and they like no one, and I'm loved by everyone except them, which is the greatest achievement there can be.

Oh yeah, and I've forgotten the stupid nigger. He's just sitting on the stool and gets sorted into… Slytherin? BUT HE'S ALSO A JERK! Seriously, this stupid sorting is so stupid, I can't even understand it! Where's a system in that?

Well anyway, an old man stands up (he's obviously the Headmaster), and it looks like he's going to bore us to death with his talking, but I'm too smart and I'm definitely not going to listen to the blubbering of this nitwit. Instead, I look into the plate and happily notice that they're now full, so I can start eating. Even not counting the fact that I'm starving, it would be a better idea than to listen to the Headmaster's droning lecture. But maybe it wasn't so long, because I notice that other people are starting to eat as well. True, they're also starting a conversation as well, but that is a stupid idea because it's a really long time since we've eaten the last time and they can always speak with others later, just like I will. But hey, what can you expect from idiots?

After the main course, there were desserts, and finally when even I ate as much as I could, the plates become clear again and the Headmaster starts speaking again. Well, now I'm full so I think it wouldn't be that bad to listen to him, he can drone me to sleep. Except he doesn't, because the things he says are really worrisome. Firstly, we're apparently not allowed to enjoy a clear air and walk into the forest, and we have to stay in the castle. Secondly, we're apparently not allowed to use magic in the school where we learn magic. And as if this wasn't enough, we're apparently not allowed to go to the classrooms! In a school! This isn't a school, this is a prison! I hate this stupid headmaster person, I hate him so much! You bet I'm going to break all these laughable rules as soon as I can!

And as if this wasn't enough, he makes us sing! Shortly after we ate! Such an action should be made a war crime!

* * *

Luckily, the song isn't that long, and then we're FINALLY allowed to go to our rooms. The prefect, who introduced himself as Gabriel Truman, assured us that the way isn't very long when we started walking, and he entertains us with various pieces of knowledge like which corridor leads where, but the journey feels very long for me. I feel very tired already, and it doesn't look like we're there already. I can see that otherwise I'd probably enjoy this marvelous castle far more, with all those beautiful portraits and secret passages, but I'm just so tired! It was a long day and those stupid people don't seem to notice it and teleport us to our rooms, which is scandalous! They definitely have both parents!

Finally, Gabriel stops in front of a pile of barrels, and knocks on one of them twice and then thrice. The barrel opens into a path made of dirt which is just so disgusting and I don't think I'll even want to go through it again, but right now I'm so tired that I'll do even that so that I can go sleep. Seriously, can't you see how great my sacrifice is? Yeah, I do know I'm a saint, too bad that some of the others don't.

And there, at last, is the common room – a beautiful and cozy room with yellow and black. I don't like black, but I don't mind yellow, and I have to objectively admit that wizards can do much worse. I'd just like it to be more pink and fluffy, that's all.

Gabriel shows us around the room, specifically mentioning the cacti waving to us and the small windows near the floor (I don't get this nonsense at all, but I guess I'd have to put up with idiotic people around me), then he says something about the symbols and famous students of our house and then personally wishes good night to each one of us as we go up. Originally, I go up to my room as well, but then I remember something. There TOTALLY is a thing I have to do right now, before I go to sleep! I run down the stairs again and catch Gabriel before he can enter his rooms.

"Ah, it's you, what do you want?" asks Gabriel sleepily.

"Quickly, I have to know it now, could you show me where is the nearest classroom?" I ask him urgently.

"Well, I don't know why, but yes," he answers with raised eyebrows, shrugs and leads me to a classroom. He opens a door, but I quickly push him inside, walk inside as well and close the door.

"W-what are you trying to do?" he stutters.

"Oh, I don't wish anyone to see or hear what will happen here," I answer in a girly way, look at him and then, when I see he didn't like my answer, I suddenly smile at him to put him at ease. I take my cloak and put it away. "Great, never liked that stupid cloak." I look at him again, studying his body. Then I suddenly smile with a predatory grin. "Yes, I think you're exactly who I was looking for."

And then, I use the element of surprise, corner him in the corner of the classroom and approach my mouth to his head...


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:  
** "Hem, hem! Let me make this plain. You have been told that certain story about a young, lying wizard and its characters belongs to the author of this abomination. This is a LIE!"  
"Excuse me, but they haven't been told..."  
"ENOUGH! Detention, Mr Author!"

 **A.N** **.:** Thank you all for your support of this story, especially your reviews, follows and favourites. Special thanks to Maester Lee, who helps me find a resolve to continue it by his constant kind reviews, and the two friends who are sharing every experience from my story with me, acting almost like my betas. I could never thank you enough for it. :)

 **Chapter 6**

The next day I wake up in our dormitory very content. It's partly because I'm finally here and I can make friends, but I think it's also partly because of what happened last evening. The fact that my plan was so successful and in the end I got him to do everything I wanted makes me feel so good and it promises that next days will also be as good, especially if he keeps his promise and I will meet him again.

Well, anyway, it seems that I should get up because I have to eat breakfast and socialize and then there are the lessons, which I probably shouldn't miss because if I did, teachers would probably not become my fans. With this thought in my mind, I get up and look around our room. It's pretty nice, mainly yellow room, which looks homely and inviting. I have four friends here, but sadly none of them is here at the moment, probably because they're eating. Yesterday evening I was too tired to befriend them, which means I should go to the Great Hall and eat with them!

I climb the terrible dirty tunnel and head to the Great Hall, and I find it at once of course because I'm perfect in everything and that also includes my memory. I look around and I quickly spot Megan Jones, one of the other girls from my room. I quickly sit down next to her, politely informing her: "Hi, I'll sit down next to you because anyone else who could sit there would not be a great friend as I'd be."

She looks at me, wrinkles her forehead a little and nods: "Yes, sit down here if you wish so. Isn't bragging a sign of a not very friendly person?"

I conspiratorially lean to her and whisper with a wink: "I'm not bragging, I'm being humble!"

"Really?" she asks me, visibly surprised. Poor girl, she's obviously not accustomed to friendly people and the sheer size of my unbelievable friendliness is beyond her imagination. "Well, I still think not mentioning it at all would be kinder. But if you're really that friendly, I'm sure we'll come along great," she smiles at me.

"Oh!" I exclaim. "That reminds me of a joke! Do you want to hear it?" I ask politely and happily proceed before she can say anything: "Why aren't you that kind? Because German children are... uhhhh... because Italian children are bambini!"

I start laughing but then I notice she's not laughing but looking at me with a confused and slightly hurt expression.

"What, are you offended by a funny joke? Do you have no sense of humor?" I ask her in a very friendly way.

"N-no, I'm not!" says Megan hastily and pushes her chair a little further from me.

"Good, I hope it stays that way," I add pleasantly.

After that, we don't talk to each other anymore, but I don't mind because I also have to eat and it's clear that we already started to have a wonderful friendship with Megan. I quickly eat my breakfast (I eat some sausages because I love sausages and I'm so perfect that I don't have to worry about becoming fat), then I wait on my chair.

"You'd better come to class," I hear Megan say when she finishes eating and stands up.

I shake my head. I will come to classes, of course, but I'm biding my time to come exactly on time so I can be the center of their attention. This way they have a chance to become my friends, and what more would you expect from life?

* * *

Ten minutes before the start of the lesson I stand up and start to move graciously towards the classroom. My perfect walking would definitely attract the attention of everyone hadn't most of the people already arrived in their classrooms. That shows again that my plan was absolutely flawless and it will be a success. After all, they needn't have rushed at all, this school isn't that big! I, for example, have my first lesson just under the Great Hall. Oh no, that probably means I will be there too soon! Luckily, I'm the most intelligent person to ever attend Hogwarts and therefore I have a simple solution for this trivial problem; I simply go slower. Yeah, this will be it. Nothing can ever prevent me from making the most spectacular – NOOO! What is this nonsense, this step just vanished and my leg just got stuck in that hole? It isn't supposed to vanish, it's broken! Call that stupid Headmaster person, he's supposed to be guarding those stairs not to do some nonsense like that! He's definitely not doing his job, not that I'm surprised.

This is just terrible! This Headmaster person's blunder is once again against my noble goal! Everything is against me, the world itself conspires to make my life a living torture! My twinkling eyes which would be loved by anyone because the show unparalleled wisdom and kindness are so devastated by this blatant injustice that they lose their twinkle and beautiful watery shining tears start pouring from them. This is so unfair! Why isn't life nice to me? I deserve it!  
Finally, someone kind helps me get my leg from the hole, but why couldn't that lazy jerk come sooner? Now it is possible that I won't be there in time! I rush into the next corridor, knocking people down left and right so that they'll stop being in my way. It's alright because they can just get up and continue doing whatever they want, my needs are obviously greater!

But then I heard a creaky voice behind me say: "What are you doing, you little brat?!" I turn around and I see a very ugly and ewww person! "No, what are you saying? Why are you stopping me? I must be on my way to class!" I tell him confusedly. "Then you should've thought of that before you started picking fights on the corridor! Fighting between the classes, and then when you should be punished you suddenly have to go to the class, haven't you? You little brats are always the same! You follow me now!" he shouts and starts waddling through the corridor, squeezing my hand. Oh my god! I can't be touching someone this hideous, but he doesn't let me go! And I have to go to my class! This is terrible! Oh well, maybe he doesn't understand the situation and if I explain it he'll let me go.

"Sir, would you please let me go? I really need to go to class, and I'm too perfect to touch your ugly wrinkled hand which is probably full of pus anyway," I ask him politely, but he only throws a look of hatred on me and mutters: "You little devils wouldn't be so cheeky if you knew you could be hung from the ceiling with my chains, would you? It's such a pity that the Headmaster doesn't let me use them!" I have a feeling he may not be exactly open to my diplomacy attempts, and that is very bad. Finally, we enter a small room which seems to belong to him. Just like him, it looks small and not friendly at all. He looks at me angrily again, and he sits down to write something. But just when he starts writing, an ugly old cat with much of its hair missing enters the room and meows twice. The hideous man looks up, says: "Two of them? Let's go, my dear,", stands up and runs away with a victorious face.

* * *

Finally, the world listened to my prayers! I quickly run out of the room and try to get to that classroom I was supposed to get in the first place. After a few corridors I finally find out where I am (because I have this great mental map of this place in my head because I'm just that perfect), and I head to that correct corridor. Finally, everything is as it should be, but I've lost much time with those two things and now I have to rush so that I can come exactly in time, which is terrible because I'm afraid that if I'll run into the classroom, I'll look less beautiful and sexy than normally.

NOOOOO, what is this! What is this? I can't breathe! I CAN'T BREATHE! And some ugly, malevolent voice shouts "GOT YOUR CONK!" so loud that I almost go deaf! I panic, shouting incomprehensible things and falling back because I'm just so damn surprised. This is real life, it shouldn't have jumpscares! I start to get up from the floor when I notice that the terrible voice is now cackling madly. Immediately, I know what this means – I'm done for. Obviously, it's Ronald, that boy who doesn't know what is good to give to a girl, who has finally gone mad now. Not that I have to be afraid of him, especially when I'm sooo powerful, but now I don't have time and he can make me lose even more of it. That's exactly the time when to use my incredible superior cunning!

I quickly look around me and find an open door I could use to escape this deranged boy, so I just have to calm him and persuade him I'm not going there. "Just in case someone is around me, which I'm definitely sure no one is, I would like to let the hypothetical person know that there is no way I plan to escape you by this open door and talk you out of it, so don't even try to get into that door because that would be definitely useless for you, I swear," I exclaim, ingeniously pretending not to know there is someone in front of me. Oh my god, I'm so lucky that I'm so smart. Do you know how much time I could've lost otherwise?

Suddenly, I jump sideways so that I get into the door, and luckily I find out that my superior thinking succeeded and no one is standing there, but then OUCH! That door closed itself! That's not what it's supposed to do! And now it's cackling! I start to run in panic away from this dumb door, and luckily, it turns out I'm running the right way this time, so, after a minute, I arrive at the classroom.

* * *

By this time, no one is waiting in front of it, so I assume the class has already started, which is bad. I wanted all eyes on me, but this would be a bad publicity and that wouldn't help me in the slightest. So I quietly open the door and go sneak into my desk.

For a while, I frantically look around, fortunately unnoticed, to spot a desk where no one is sitting. Sadly, there's only one, and it's in the opposite part of the classroom. Luckily, I'm the best ever in crawling, but this challenge might be too much even for me. Well, there's no use waiting here, anyone could spot me anytime. Quickly like a lightning, I duck and start crawling through.

It's going pretty smooth, on the whole. Sometimes, some inconsiderate dunderhead sticks out his legs so I have to stomp on them in order to make them pull it back, and one time I even pushed someone over (his own fault, of course, he ought to be paying attention, always prepared for the possibility of a student crawling to their desk!), but I think on the whole no one could notice me because I was moving so quickly and always in the shadows! Finally, I get to my desk and using a perfect and aesthetic move, I sit on the chair, as if I were there the whole time. I quickly look around me to check my inconspicuousness, and then straight to the teacher in order to make a good first impression, and that's when I notice the three catastrophes. Firstly, the desk is right in front of the teacher's desk (they probably knew why they chose the others); secondly, despite my perfect stealthy moving, the eyes of everyone are on me; and thirdly -

"Indeed, Miss Belladonna, your attempt to get the attention of everyone upon your arrival has spectacularly succeeded. One point from Hufflepuff and it will be five unless you are able to sufficiently explain being late for your first class."

I can't believe my eyes. What is he doing here? Why do I have to suffer through my first lesson with him? "What are you playing at, Snape? What stupid points are you talking about? We both know you waited for the first possibility to mock me unfairly because you're jealous of my looks!" While I say that, I hear many gasps and people are looking at me completely horrified. Oh no, that's bad, they're clearly still in denial and don't believe me!

I look back to Snape and almost scream because he somehow managed to get near me, and his smile is downright evil now. "That would be detention, Miss Belladonna," he utters with a voice which would look like a poisoned silk if it weren't a voice because a voice can't be seen, you idiots! "And you may not have noticed, but we are in school now and I am now your teacher, not a guide. Therefore you shall call me Sir or Professor from now on. Understood?" he growls with a voice which tries to be dangerous but I'm still not afraid because I know he can't do anything to me; I'm too perfect for that.

"I shan't. Understood?" I reply levelly.

"Perfectly. Another five points from Hufflepuff, and again whenever you fail to address me correctly." he nods and looks on the class, which now looks universally on me with utmost surprise and apprehension. What's even more surprising is the fact that my friends from Hufflepuff now seem to be angry over something, but over what?

Well, anyway, after this, Snape continues: "As I was saying before Miss Belladonna finally decided to grace us with her presence, the noble art of potions is very challenging – in fact, I believe it will be too challenging for idiots like you. But the rare cases which are not as thick-headed as the rest may find that potions are able to do almost everything. Ensnare the senses, bring you love, prolong the life or take it – it will be your call. Unless you are unable to understand clear instructions like most of the students I have ever had the misfortune to teach, that is."

As if I didn't think that! He's such a bigheaded idiot who thinks only he is so intelligent and in fact, he's unable to teach properly. Does he really think it will help the students when he calls them idiots? But then, he suddenly speaks to me. "Miss Belladonna, what would you have if you put lacewing flies, leeches, powdered bicorn horn, knotgrass, fluxweed and shredded boomslang skin into the cauldron?"

"A big cauldron!" I retort and wish he'd left me alone, but I have no such luck. "Very funny, Miss Belladonna. A point will be taken from Hufflepuff for your cheek. Let me amend my question. What would you GET if you put together lacewing flies, leeches, powdered bicorn horn, knotgrass, fluxweed and shredded boomslang skin into the cauldron?" Oh my god, I don't know! Why is he so unfair, why? I just wish he would leave me alone! "A potion!" I guess.

"Indeed. And here I thought that this thing I asked you about in the Potions class was a hex." he sneers. "For your information, you will get an incomplete form of Polyjuice potion, which lets you acquire a body of someone else. And I am appalled that no one of you feels bothered to write it down." Suddenly, everyone tries to write it down. I don't really understand them, why do they behave like sheep? But at least, they are not like Snape, who's just taken another his point from my house. I'd really like to know what he's playing at! Does he really think those fictional points will get me to obey? If yes, then he's really stupid!

While I am righteously angry, he waves his wand to the blackboard and instructions for a potion suddenly appear there. What, after that torture, he still expects me to work in the lesson? Just how cruel he is? Oh well, I should probably start, he starts to check the pairs. Wait, the pairs, I should probably find someone to be in a pair with. I look around and see Leanne, one of my Hufflepuff friends, standing alone and looking quite impatient.

When I nod at her, she sighs in relief and moves to me. "At last," she says, "why didn't you start looking for a partner before, I have no idea. Look, girl, it would be really nice of you to stop that," she continues rapidly under her breath while she prepares the cauldron.

"Stop what?" I ask her, surprised. Are you aware of something I should stop doing, guys? Because I'm not. Oh, and by the way, you don't have to answer that, guys, it's a rhetorical question. I know very well you're not.

"Sssshhh, not that loudly! Stop goading Snape, of course," she hisses, while she collects the necessary ingredients. "You've already made him take about fifteen points from us, and some of us would actually like the chance to have the House cup this year." Oh my god, would you believe that blasphemy? Is she actually blaming me for that?

"That's not my fault! Snape's the one acting like a self-righteous jerk! Besides, those points are invented!" I shout at her. Maybe, if I say it loud enough, she will finally see the truth!

"Another five invented house points from your house, Miss Belladonna," says the black-robed jerk suddenly from behind my shoulder. "As I told you, it's Professor Snape for you. Would you explain why are you standing and shouting here while your partner prepared everything and already started to work? Are you trying to make Hufflepuff hit a new low?"

"You hfff-!" I exclaim angrily, which would probably have a bigger impact if Leanne didn't cover my mouth!

"Another five points from Hufflepuff, Miss Belladonna. Miss Green, I will be very grateful if you manage to keep Miss Belladonna quiet for the rest of the class, keep up the good work."

He strolls away. Why doesn't he fly away and hang himself upside down in a cave, the bat? He's simply terrible! Before the lesson could end, he took twenty more of these fictional points from me, every time for some laughable reason! Of course, that doesn't bother me since he's obviously just invented them, but for some reason, as the lesson proceeds, my friends are more and more alienated towards me and I don't know why! Obviously, he's just charmed them to hate me because he hates me! Yeah, that would be it. But that's SO EVIL! Why he is even allowed near the students if he does such evil things! He definitely has both parents! Someone should explain to those dumb people that just because their precious son is magical, that doesn't mean that he's a prince! They definitely both spoil him mad! What will happen next, will he start calling himself "prince" or what?

While I'm busy being angry at Snape and grudgingly helping Leanne, Snape goes around the room and criticizes every pair for, as he puts it, "trivial mistakes even a lobotomized slug would not make". I definitely think he's overestimating his skill. Anyway, as you'd expect, his criticisms are absolutely unfair. Two guys from Ravenclaw with glasses were even told off for making the potion too slowly, while he absolutely ignored the fact that they were slow because they tried very hard to read his small handwriting on the blackboard! What an unfair man! I hate him, he's terrible! He definitely has two parents who spoilt him rotten, idiot! He's so…

"May I ask you, Miss Belladonna, why are you too busy staring at me to actually help your classmate?" he says, suddenly next to our cauldron. I throw a hateful look at him, but sadly it seems that he doesn't pay attention to me and he checks our potion instead. "Tut, tut, what a pitiful work. You know, Miss Belladonna, there's a reason why I made you prepare this potion in pairs. Maybe if you actually bothered to help Miss Green instead of looking around the classroom and frowning, the potion could have been passable. But as I know you, probably not."

Oh my god, he's acting as though I were at fault just because that simple-minded girl mangled the potion? Surely he can't mean that seriously! How unfair can he get?

I open my mouth to tell him off for this but Leanne once again covers my mouth. "Stop it. Besides, this time he's actually right." I can't believe my ears! She's actually on his side! Of course, that explains her constant covering of my mouth! She's just afraid that I would show everyone how evil Snape is!

"I can't believe that!" I shouted at her in rage, holding her hand so that she couldn't cover my mouth. "You're with that vile hfffff-" Sadly, she seems to be stronger than me.

"Another five points from Hufflepuff," says the vile bat with a smirk, "and one point for Hufflepuff for Miss Greens applaudable work with silencing you."  
Oh, but he's in for a very sharp comeback. I open my mouth to say it, but unfortunately, at that precise moment the class ends and since I want nothing more than stop being in the presence of this idiot, I run out of the class.

* * *

A rest. Lots of rest. That's all I need now when we have a free time, but unluckily, Megan, who is of course already my great friend, comes to me and evidently wants to talk. But I've already befriended her, why am I supposed to talk with her again? That's not how it works!

"Hi, Angela..." she starts.

"...Ori Gami Fuku Jima Mitsu Bishi Ja Pan Dae Woo Belladonna," I end.

"Sorry?" she wrinkles her forehead.

"Oh, you started to say my name, so I said the rest for you so that you don't have to say it all because I'm so unbelievably friendly!" I smile at her, which causes all the present boys to fall in love with me. At least it would, if they were in our bedroom, those perverts! I hope no pervert will ever fall in love with me! Ewwww!

"Well that's nice of you, but don't worry, I wasn't going to say the whole name," Megan raises her eyebrows, "I was actually going to talk to you about-"

"And why wouldn't you say my whole name?" I exclaim in righteous anger. "It's so beautiful!"

"Yes, well, it sure is and I'm happy you like your name," she finally concedes with a smile, "but I meant to talk about-"

"Speaking of beautiful, how do you like my hair? Look, it's flowing around and there's not even a wind!" I turn around so that she can admire my hair from all the angles. It never hurts to speak with your friends and let them admire your beauty! That's just a little tip from a master of befriending people. You don't have to thank me, I'm just so unbelievably friendly.

"Would you please let me... Wait, what?" Megan stops in the middle of the sentence, pointing behind me. "But that's not because of your hair, that's because Gabriel is using his wand to repulse it!"

I turn around very irritated. "Gabriel! I told you-you weren't supposed to be seen! You know the rules - you! can't! be! seen!" I snap at him.

"Sorry," he apologizes, "but you're bringing attention to yourself all the time, I can't really expect not to be ever seen when I'm right behind you."

"Why are you doing this?" Megan asks incredulously.

"Oh well, she cornered me yesterday in an unused classroom. I was quite afraid of her at the moment, but then she just asked me to do this, saying that she locked us there so that no one would ever know that I'm doing this. And then she said I would be really the best for this job because I'm quite small and no one will notice me... Well, and at that moment I was so relieved that she wants just this that I would promise her anything. Besides, I'm supposed to help the new students.  
But really," he turns to me, "I think might be taking this a little too far, Angela. Remember, I also have classes which I should attend." And then he turns away from me and goes to his room! What a betrayal!

"Fine, desert me, betray me, I don't care at all!" I shout to his back. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"Fine. Now, if you let me, I'd like to speak to you about you and Snape," Megan interjects.

"What? Ewww! There's absolutely nothing between us, how could you think that?"

"What? I didn't mean it in that way!" she steps back and revulsion can be seen on her face.

"Good," I nod, very relieved.

"Listen," she presses on, "your fights with him should stop."

"WHAT?" I exclaim. "But that's his fault! He's so unfair, that stupid-"

"Look, no one's saying he's not unfair, you should just stop giving-"

"Didn't your mum teach you that interrupting other people when they speak is impolite?" I huff and go away to my room. Certain people can be very rude!

* * *

"Now listen to me," says McGonagall. Because this castle seems to have it in for me, another staircase tried the same trick on me and it caught my leg. Luckily, this time I was prepared for a possibility of that and I started to cry loudly. This time, my savior came very quickly, but sadly it was only the nigger jerk from the train, who promptly started to laugh at me that I cry like a little baby. Not he didn't help me, but he also wasn't right, since the wailing of babies is far uglier than my girly and elegant cries! But when I told him so, he started to snigger (notice the great pun?) for whatever reason. Luckily, some unimportant guy from Ravenclaw came to us and saved me, but it resulted in coming late once again, and it doesn't seem that McGonagall is particularly happy about that. From what I deduced from her speech it seems she was just lecturing them like the boring old hag she is that she won't tolerate going late. Oh well, she's still speaking to me.

"...and it will not be tolerated anymore. Understood?"

"Yeah, whatever," I reply politely and go sit to my desk. I'm sitting with Ernie MacSomething. I don't even mind being told off, because now finally I'm starting a magical subject without that vile bat Snape, and I'm very excited to do magic. Sadly, McGonagall doesn't seem to share my sentiment right now, because she makes us write complicated things to our parchments. That's another thing, by the way, why do we have to write on a parchment? Papers are definitely less expensive. Has that stupid Headmaster guy ever heard of economics? Too bad it's not me who is the Headmaster, the school would look so different! Oh, but I definitely will be, that's just a matter of time. And that stupid old hag is still drilling on and on about these stupid "rules".

"Boooooring!" I tell her loudly when it seems she doesn't plan to stop ever. She doesn't seem happy.

"Don't be stupid, girl," she says coldly. "Transfiguration is a very challenging field of magic, and it is simply impossible to fully comprehend it without theoretical background. I am afraid that if you want to continue studying at this school, you will simply have to endure through the less compelling parts as well. Now sit down please and do not interrupt me again. As I was saying..." And she drones off to another boring thing about the ratio of calories and flavor of transfigured food or something. I'm seething. How many people did already die by boredom because of this person?

"But we definitely know already enough, McGonagall! Are you afraid that some practice would harm us or what?" By the time I end my sentence, most people have gasped and are looking at me disbelievingly. They probably saw the truth in my words and wonder how I could arrive at it so soon!

"Ten points will be taken from your house for your lack of respect, Miss Belladonna. And be sure that I will be telling Professor Sprout of this," McGonagall pierces me with an icy glare. "And I am afraid you will still have to wait a little before you start with your practice. Much as I am tempted to let you see for yourself why do you need all the theoretical knowledge, I am not going to let you injure yourself."

"I am not going to injure myself, I am not that clumsy," I naturally object since she doesn't seem to know what she's talking about.

"Enough!" She doesn't seem to listen to reason, though. Sadly, I seem to be overpowered by an idiot in a high position, like I am usually. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THIS IS A CURSE! She definitely still has both parents! Wearing my perfect sulk, I quietly sit down.

Luckily, my words seem to have at least some effect (of course, a person would have to be deaf not to listen to me), and the drilling lecture ends soon. McGonagall finally relents and she even gives us matches to transfigure to needles. Bah! What an easy job! Does she really think that would be a problem for anyone? Well probably yes, but then she's an idiot. But then, who in this school isn't? Me, of course. WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT? You don't have to answer, that was a rhetorical question. Of course you would. I'm the only one ray of hope for this terribly ancient school, and do they recognize it? No! It's just Miss Belladonna not that and Miss Belladonna don't do that, jeering at me, laughing at me, distancing themselves from my perfect personality, idiotic gifts, not saying my whole name even though that poor name doesn't deserve that punishment, and all around NOT WORSHIPPING ME! And do they let me think what I want? NO! Every time I think of these unfair things which happen to me although every unbiased person has to admit I didn't do anything to deserve it, they interrupt my thoughts asking a silly question because these idiotic idiots… "Miss Belladonna, would you like to explain why did you start crying aloud like a small child instead of trying to transfigure this needle?"

I look upon McGonagall through the veil of my perfect tears which look like limpid eyes. "Th-that's nothing," I sob bravely and break to full-out crying again, "I-I-I just thought of something saaaaaaaad!"

"For five minutes?" McGonagall lifts her eyebrow. "Well, in any case, I would really appreciate if you stopped this ridiculous nonsense and started trying to transfigure your match."

Still bawling, I nod elegantly and sob again. And again. And then I bravely calm down and without any hint of crying, I take my match and smile happily. Finally, I can do magic! I look around me and notice that no one of my classmates made it yet. Oh my god, can you believe them? I'll easily astonish them with my superior power! I stand up, holding my wand up, and cry out: " _Crepitus Magnus!"_ A bright light appears, but instead of the match turning into a perfect needle, a deafening explosion disorients all my senses and I find myself on the ground. Ernie McThing quickly helps me stand, but McGonagall sadly isn't looking that friendly.

"Ten points from Hufflepuff for not listening to me, Miss Belladonna," she barks. Stupid idiot, barking like a dog instead of speaking. Someone should tell her cats are million times better just to watch her reaction. "The incantation was _Acuere._ I hope you understand now why to learn basics before you try to tackle the spells themselves. Mr Macmillan, go with her to the infirmary, please." With these words, she easily vanishes the small black thing that became of my needle, which for some reason I can't even properly look at. But that's maybe because my head is strangely floating and my eyelids so heavy. Stupid wand, why does it have to be so faulty?

* * *

I groan and look around me. Funny, it doesn't look like a transfiguration classroom anymore.

"Don't move," says McGonagall. I can't believe her, she bored us to death and made me fly through the whole classroom and now she still tries to order me around? I open my mouth to tell her all of that, but she quickly comes to me and pours a foul tasting potion in it. Potion! Snape wants to poison me! I quickly spit it out and turn to accuse McGonagall of helping Snape poison me when I finally notice that it isn't McGonagall at all.

"Who are you?" I naturally ask her.

"I'm Madame Pomfrey, the Healer," she answers while she moves the pillow under my head, "and now please stop moving and drink your healing potion, you suffered quite a nasty fall in that lesson."

"The potion! Put it away! Snape tries to poison me with it!" I shout stretching my arms against it.

"Of course, dear, now drink this and you'll be better," she whispers soothingly and forces me to drink it, "those hallucinations will vanish soon."

Happy that I've finally found someone who believes me, I lay down on the bed, while Pomfrey appears to be checking my body.

"Hmm," she finally states, "everything appears to be in order. Stay here monitored for the rest of the day to check that you didn't develop any internal injury, then you are free to go." Finally, someone who doesn't take risks lightly! I happily lie down and rest while Pomfrey does whatever her job consists of.

* * *

Suddenly, after ten minutes or so, someone knocks on the door. Pomfrey opens it and there is an old man with glasses. Is this how old nerds look?

"Good day, Albus," greets him Pomfrey with a nod, "is there any particular reason why you came here?"

"Good day to you too, Poppy," he nods, smiling, "I am afraid I am; I would like to talk with Miss Belladonna here, and since it would be quite inconvenient for her to go to my office, I went to visit her here."

"Absolutely not, Albus. This young lady here needs to rest and not to be disturbed..."

"...as she without a doubt already does under your expert care," he interjects, prompting a small smile from her. "Alas, I am afraid I have to repeat my request, Poppy. Nevertheless, I can assure you that this meeting is in the girl's best interests."

"You say this every time, Albus. You of all people should have known how worked up the kids most often are to speak personally with you! Which twelve years old wouldn't be nervous to meet the famed victor over Grindelwald and the second most famous wizard in Britain after the Boy-who-lived, who also seems to know everything which happens in these walls? And the process of healing isn't to be stopped by such a disturbance of their mind!"

"You flatter me," he responds, "I certainly do not know of all the secrets of Hogwarts, and I cannot ever hope to acquire them! Knowledge is a wondrous thing – the more you know, the more stays hidden from you, and yet you can easily get lost in the small part you discover. Therefore, you have my word that I will not attempt to disturb your patient's precious peace of mind for more than five minutes."

"Your wise quotes are not going to make me relent! You may be a wise person and the best Headmaster Hogwarts ever had, but this is a matter of my patient's health!"

"An admirable approach, Poppy," he says, but I don't pay attention to them anymore. For a start, it would be rude to eavesdrop which means I would never ever do that even if it could save the world, and also I'm very surprised by this shocking revelation! So, this Dumbledore person is that stupid Headmaster which I've heard so many things about! Who would have thought?

Well actually, now that I think of that I notice that he has white hair which means he's logically senile, and that Headmaster did things which could be explained by senility, so there! Oh well, just you wait, he'll be told off so much if he only tries to speak to me. But maybe Pomfrey has some sense in herself and doesn't let such a senile person near me! So far, she's still standing in his way. I start to listen again so that I can know whether he succeeds.

"...and yet, you always end up letting me visit them, Poppy," he's just saying, and to my surprise, she just sighs.

"I know, Albus, because you always seem to have a really good reason. Fine, but only ten minutes and nothing more!"

What? HOW? How did this obviously senile person manage to outtalk this sensible nurse? He must have confused her by magic! But that's definitely illegal, why has no one arrested him yet?

Oh well. He seems to be coming here and he is smiling. Most likely he thinks that if he smiles I'll think he's wise or something, like that stupid nurse. Tough luck, pal, I'm too smart for that!

After a while, he finally speaks for the first time: "Hello, Miss Belladonna. You may not know me, but I am Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of this school. I hope you like it."

"Oh yes, it's wonderful!" I am forced to admit, but then I swiftly add: "It lacks the anti-fire policy, though."

I look on his face to see whether he looks surprised, but to my disdain, he still smiles and HIS EYES TWINKLE! That's plagiarism! I have copyright on that! What a nerve he has! Before I can get over the understandable shock, he already responds: "Your concern is praiseworthy, Miss Belladonna, but with a school made of stone and full of people who can easily put out a fire with one spell, the anti-fire policy does not have to be so strict. However, it is definitely the idea which counts. Nevertheless, aside from worrying about safety, how did you enjoy your first day at Hogwarts? From what I have already heard, you have already experienced more than most students do in their first week," his eyes twinkle again. Oh, just you wait, let's see who will laugh when you're taken to jail for your plagiarism! For now, I'll just be cunning and act as if he were my friend.

"Oh, it's just terrible! Those teachers in your school are terrible! There's Snape...", I start saying, but that blithering idiot just interjects: "Call him Professor Snape, Miss Belladonna," probably without any idea how rude he actually is.

"No, I won't! There is Snape..."

"Professors in this school are your elders who are helping you with your education, Miss Belladonna. Some degree of politeness is expected," he tries to lecture me, but I have finally enough.

"He is evil enough to try to break my lipstick and then constantly jeer at me, and he even invents his own 'points' which he then takes off people with no reason, and he is just all around so evil! Both his parents are definitely mothering him even though he's an adult now! He certainly doesn't try to help me with my education, so don't tell me to be polite, you blithering old fool, especially given that I am the politest person in this school to everyone and no one even recognizes is and worship me like they should!" I victoriously shout. "And then there's McGonagall..."

"Professor McGonagall..."

"Don't try to correct me, old man! I was forced to endure a whole lesson under her so I know better than you that she doesn't deserve an ounce of respect and she doesn't have it from anyone! She is so boring that no one of us learns anything! And then I'm injured in her class! You have to do something!" I end my rant, looking at Dumbledore angrily.

He finally frowns and quickly says: "I promise you that I will answer you, Miss Belladonna, but calm down please, or else Madame Pomfrey will not let me or anyone else visit a patient ever again."

He waits until I reluctantly nod and then continues: "I will certainly look into your concerns. However, I am very surprised indeed to hear some of your claims, since Professor McGonagall so far seems to be a teacher which is well-respected among the students. Both she and Professor Snape have my unconditional trust. Thank you for telling me this."

At this point, he rises and smiles at me again. "Well, Miss Belladonna, as interesting as our little chat is, I am sure that neither of us wants to be responsible for your prolonging state of agitation, especially when it is so dangerous for a recently healed student like you. Good day to you." And he leaves before I can start shouting obscenities at him. Of course, that doesn't mean he leaves quickly – he is very old and I would never say any swear word to anyone, including evil people like Snape or that idiotic jerk girl who deserve it. I have to admit he doesn't leave as slowly as I would expect from him, but I would definitely leave quicker. Oh well. What an idiot.

I slowly sink back into my pillows and close my eyes. After all, Pomfrey is right, I have to rest. But don't think that is all! Even though the students are jerkish, teachers incompetent and the Headmaster bumbling, I will make this school better. You know I will.


End file.
